That's Fit

Do you sometimes feel like marriage problems are inevitable? They might be -- recent studies show that marriage problems have been linked to a specific gene variation in males. The gene variation, involved in brain signaling, affected the ability to mate for life in rodents and experts believe that it may produce similar results in humans, based on findings that showed that men with the gene were more likely to be unhappy in their relationships.

Still, don't let these findings get you down. Marriage is hard but a little compassion, understanding and quality time goes a long way. Our Life Fit expert Laura Lewis has some valuable tips on how to make love last -- check them out!

It can be extremely hard to watch what you're eating when you live with someone who stocks the fridge with all of your favorite unhealthy foods. Janet Jackson is finding this especially true -- her world tour begins in less than a month, and she has reportedly packed on some pounds this summer thanks to Jermaine Dupri's habit of filling her fridge with pizza, fried chicken, chocolate, and ice cream.

Janet's weight has always fluctuated -- back in 2006 she gained quite a bit of weight, but was able to lose it all in just four months. Earlier this year, Janet was looking fit and fabulous, and apparently she's hoping very much to get back to that point before her tour begins.

The singer might yo-yo diet, but it sounds like she's trying to drop the pounds healthily. She is now working with a nutritionist and chef and sticking to a 1700 calorie per day diet. I assume she's working out, too -- you know she has a great song for her playlist!

When you enter into a relationship, you fully expect your partner to have some excess baggage -- past loves, insecurities, and worries about your relationship's future. Most of us are equipped to deal with that. But what do you do when your partners excess "baggage" also includes baggage in the form of extra pounds?

Dr. Rovenia Brock says that to best help an overweight partner you need to stop criticizing and start caring. Criticizing a partner's weight will most likely be counterproductive. That doesn't mean you can't talk to your partner about your concerns, but you need to approach it with a little TLC. Let your partner know that you're making suggestions because you care. But you should even keep that to a minimum. Instead, start making healthy changes that will promote your partner's better health:

• Order two appetizers instead of a meal when eating out, or just order one entree and split it.
• Avoid or cut back on alcoholic beverages.

We've all seen those lists of top stressors. And it's always struck me that the lists include events that are both happy and horrible. Moving, divorce and marriage are always on them. But putting these in context is important.

Take my friend's recent separation from her spouse. The 10-year relationship was far more stressful than filing the paperwork and finding a new apartment. And speaking of finding a new apartment, moving is always on those top lists. But, let me tell you, I've never seen my friend so happy as when we were moving her new red leather sofa into her bachelorette pad. As for marriage, I'm one of the fortunate ones who can say that promising to be with my husband forever was one of the least stressful things I've ever done. And 10 years later, I feel the same way.

My point is this: there is plenty of joy to be found is these supposedly high-stress events. And from my experience, it can offset most of the negative elements involved in planning a wedding, moving a big piece of furniture or facing life alone. I think this guy's got the right idea. There are fates far worse than moving.

I'm friends with a lot of fit couples, and I've noticed that, while they all enjoy working out and have memberships to the same gym, they rarely follow the same fitness routines. They might jump on the elliptical together, or spot each other on weights occasionally, but more often than not, they do their own thing.

As long as they're both happy with their individual routines, generally, it works. However, what if your sweetie is far more dedicated than you are, or vice versa? For example, Spice Girl Geri Halliwell has recently been kicking butt in the fitness department, and she's looking fantastic. However, her dancer boyfriend, Ivan Velez, is reportedly getting fed up with the amount of time she spends working out, and isn't a fan of being roped into her early morning fitness routines.

It's not easy -- if he's naturally thin and you put on weight easily, you might feel compelled to hit the gym hard every day, and he might be perfectly happy going two or three times a week. If you really want to work out together, That's Fit posted some suggestions last year for involving your sweetie, but one thing I would suggest is that you be flexible and figure out whether it's more important to you to have a long, hard workout, or to work out with your partner. If you're willing to take a brisk, two-mile walk instead of a four-mile run, he or she might be more likely to join you. Or, if there's something your sweetie enjoys, give it a shot -- there are plenty of ways to burn calories, after all!

They really hit a home run with this story! To all the ladies out there: Since today is Valentine's Day, wouldn't it be nice if your man rolled up his sleeves and helped you with things like washing dishes and doing laundry? How about if he did that for you every day?

That's what this MSNBC article explores thanks to the feedback their readers gave when an article was published talking about the turn-on effect that helping with the chores can have on wives and girlfriends. Apparently women love a dishy man: "I would much rather prefer dishpan hands than six-pack abs! My husband and I do all our chores together. I wash the dishes, he puts them away," says one reader.

When referencing cooking, cleaning, and other household chores followed by "Plus it's such a turn on!" -- you know these ladies are serious. Of course, the flip side has implications as well. One commenter has been married for 30 years and her husband has never lifted a finger to help with the bills, yard, dishes or anything. It's her cautionary tale to would-be-wives to choose carefully. Read on for more great comments regarding men and their domesticated habits. Any female readers out there share this craving for a dishpan man?

Healthy relationships are an important aspect to our mental health. But knowing that is one thing -- actually having a healthy relationship is quite another. Are there rules to a healthy relationship?

According to eDiets, there are, and they've outlined them in this article. Here are a few of the 'relationship rules' they specify:

• Choose your partner wisely -- find someone who shares similar beliefs and values.
  
• Don't confuse sex with love -- the two are quite different, though sex is an important part of love.
  
• Know your need and speak them clearly.
  
• Respect your partner -- and respect yourself.
  
• Consider yourself a team, one that is stronger because of your differences.
  
• Know how to manage your differences healthily.

Want to know more? Click here to read the rest of the article.

Willpower may have nothing to do with your inability to lose weight or stick with that elusive fitness routine. According to Alan Deutschman, author of Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change at Work and in Life, willpower is not so important when it comes to the actual mechanism for change. What's important is finding a relationship with a person or group skilled at showing you the way. It can't be just any relationship, though. It has to be an emotional one with someone who inspires hope and belief, someone who makes you say, "If she can do it, so can I."

Think about the high-powered executive told by his doctor he'll suffer a heart attack if he doesn't switch to a low-fat diet and take up yoga and meditation. Left to his own devices, this man, like nine of out 10 who won't do a thing to change his lifestyle, will ignore medical advice even though the stakes couldn't be higher. But put him in a group setting with others just like him and when he sees his peers eating veggies and chanting yoga speak, he'll do it too. And he's likely to stick with his new ways after a little practice.

The message here is this: If there's something you wish to change but feel stuck, seek out others who intrigue you and make you want to alter your behaviors. Form a relationship with these people and most important, learn from it. Forget willpower, my friends. Find a mentor instead.

Marriage has a bit of a bad rap these days, with lots of people complaining and saying how life and fun are essentially over the minute you take the plunge. But millions of people are still getting married every day, and thankfully research shows that they don't have the wrong idea -- it's not a bad thing! Research has found that married people have the following health advantages over people who aren't married:

• Better general health, and less sicknesses
  
• Less alcoholism
• Fewer suicides
• Less time spent in hospitals, and faster recovery rates
• Stronger immune systems
• Lower risks for depression, along with reduced stress and anxiety

Of course I'm thinking if you marry the wrong person and end up stressed and unhappy then these benefits probably don't apply, but for the average person your spouse may be doing more for you than you think!

Most relationships start off hot and heavy -- everything between you and your partner was new and exciting, and you probably couldn't keep you hands off each other. So it could be kind of disappointing when, further down the line, that energy wears off and regular life begins to interfere with your formerly fab sex life.

If you've found that you're at the point where work stress, kids or just being a bit bored, has began to get in the way of getting intimate with your partner, check out this piece for some advice on how to boost a sagging sex life. The article offers five healthy tips (both physical and emotional) to help get things back on track.

You can try exercise (releases feel-good endorphins and helps you feel good about your body), quitting smoking (male smokers are more likely to be impotent) and eating right (protein and low glycemic index carbohydrates will help you retain energy throughout the evening). For more info, as well as the rest of the tips, take a look here for the full article.

It's always great to have close friends to help you though a rough patch in a relationship. They can give you guidance based on their own experiences, offer a shoulder to cry on or just listen to little (or big) complaints or concerns you may have.

However, as this piece suggests, it's not a good idea to go overboard when it comes to filling your best buddies in on all of the little details that surround your current relationship. Remember that what your friends say about your other half can influence the way you behave around and toward your partner, so make sure to keep your thoughts separate from theirs.

Also remember that your friends will believe what you tell them about your partner so if all you ever do is share the bad stuff, they'll have an unfair and biased opinion when doling out advice. It's a good idea to let your friends in on some of the good times as well. But don't go too far -- as the article mentions, there are private parts of any relationship that should be kept between the two of you. If there is something that you wouldn't want your other half to share with their friends, it's best if you don't talk about it with yours.

Who out there has become a Facebook 'addict'? It's tough for many to not go overboard adding photos and searching out friends from high school and earlier. I think it's fun to see what everyone is up to and have the chance to send quick notes to say hello.

But quick notes don't equal a real, lasting friendship and the study reported on here discusses how those who use social networking sites and 'collect' dozens upon dozens of friends, will likely not be able to forge any true relationships with the friends they make on the site.

A real friend is someone who will be there for you physically and emotionally when you're in need. They'll make you laugh and keep you company when you're feeling lonely. The people you meet on Facebook you may never even see face-to-face, so if you're joining these kind of sites in the hopes of making new friends, it may be a better idea to join a local recreational sports team or hobby group.

Is your man making you fat? I think we'd all like to answer 'yes' to that question and call the nation's obesity problem solved, and although it's not that simple for the world in your case it is likely that your guy is contributing to your weight gain. It's been found in studies that women gain weight when they move in with a man, which is likely due to the fact that couples tend to adopt each others eating habits and men burn an average of 26% more calories in a day than women do. Those extra calories burn away on him, but on you they park on your hips and settle in for the long haul.

Guy-proofing your diet isn't completely effortless, but it is easier than you probably think. Take a look at these tips, which address all of his worst habits (like skipping veggies and drinking a beer every night with dinner) and give easy advice on how to deal. And please share if you have any tricks of your own! Us ladies got to stick to together.

Meeting someone who you really feel that you connect with can be pretty powerful. Love ,or even just like, for a partner can be such a strong emotion that sometimes we may not realize when a relationship gradually turns from postive to negative.

When you first meet someone and they seem to be fantastic, it is hard to admit it later on if they become scary or controlling, because you always think back to those first great days and say to yourself "well, it wasn't always like this, maybe he/she is just having a rough time right now. I'm sure that eventually things will return to how they were when we first started dating." Unfortunately, that's not usually the case.

Codependent relationships are never healthy, can ruin your self esteem and will often leave you feeling sad, hurt, fearful and wishing that your life will change for the better. If you're worried that you're in a relationship with a controlling partner, take a look at this piece for signs that signal an unhealthy codependent relationship, and if necessary seek help from friends, family, your personal physcian or another person you trust. Above all ,don't let memories of how things were cloud your judgement of how things are.

I've always found goodbyes very sad and really difficult, and parting with a boyfriend has always been the most difficult kind of goodbye. Whether you're the breaker or the breakee -- or even if the break up is totally mutual, ending a relationship is painful. Recently Brian White wrote a post regarding a study with results that showed breaking up isn't actually that hard to do. It makes me wonder who was participating in the study -- robots perhaps that weren't programed to have feelings?

I know everyone has different experiences and I suppose that for some people, breaking up isn't that big of a deal but for everyone I know it pretty much just sucks. I agree with the author of this piece who discusses how the worst part of breaking up is all of the analysis that goes on in your head in the weeks and even months after you've ended things with your partner. Questions like "Did I do the right thing?", "What if I'd done a, b or c differently?" and "If things were so great at first, what happened to change everything?" can be torturous to someone suffering from post-break up blues.

I think the only saving grace is keeping in mind that pretty much everyone you know has been where you are and made it through, and likely you've been there before too. It may be difficult in the here and now, but try to remember that in time you'll look back and wonder why you were so upset in the first place.