Photo: Tracy Courtney, Chi Machine

I headed to the Launa Stone Day Spa in Calabassas, Calif., for a Diamond Microdermabrasion Facial, which was certainly amazing, but I ended up crawling into a suntan-like horizontal bed called the Chi Machine which is supposed to create a repetitive, oscillating motion on torso, legs and feet. In addition to smoothing cellulite bumps, the Chi Machine is supposed to:

• Provide a lymphatic massage and remove toxicity
• Correct poor posture and relieve back pain
• Increase blood circulation and bone marrow activity
• Increase energy and mental focus
• Reduce nerve pain and muscle fatigue
• Improve insomnia and constipation

For sure, you might experience some effects if you do the Machine regularly; it runs anywhere from $60 to $100 per session at a spa near you. But I made several mistakes when I hopped onto the 14-speed contraption.

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Now these are some contraptions you might want to get behind. Remember Suzanne Somers and her Thighmaster? Our sister site Lemondrop counts it as one the funniest. The Bar Bell phone too, because who doesn't want to work out while gossiping on the phone?

Eight more where these oddballs came from. Just visit Lemondrop for the full slideshow.

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I'll be the first to admit it, I find infomercials to be some of the most entertaining programs on television. I don't really watch all that much TV, but the few times I do, I can't help but at least stop and watch an infomercial for a few minutes. My favorites definitely have to be the fitness infomercials.

Where else can you see such bad acting, even worse efforts of making "the old version" of an exercise look like it can break your back, and at the same time make absolutely mendacious claims about being able to make you fit almost overnight? Nowhere but in the magical, wonderful world of infomercials.

Here are, in my opinion, the worst 5 infomercial fitness products EVER:

5 - The Thigh Master. Suzanne Somers may look fantastic for her age, but let's face it -- it ain't because she used a Thigh Master. Squeezing together two pieces of plastic a total distance of about ten inches will do about as much for your thighs as squeezing a zit would. Even more ridiculous is the marketers' attempt to make it seem possible to get a bicep workout by squeezing the Thigh Master with your arm. Good luck not punching yourself in the face.

4 - Soloflex. Fine, I'll admit it ... I owned a Soloflex. Although it's a decent idea in theory, in practice it just doesn't cut it. The biggest problem with the Soloflex is that its resistance band "technology" (I always loved it when they called it that in the infomercial - as if they invented rubber bands) provided almost no negative resistance. Being that most of your muscle-building is done during this portion of the exercise (this is the lowering portion), you only received half of a workout. FYI: I ended up selling mine (at a huge loss) about eight months after I bought it.

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I know her as Chrissy Snow from after school re-runs of Three's Company but you might know her as a fitness and weight-loss guru. She's Suzanne Somers, and she's slim, sexy and sixty. Wait a minute .... 60? As in 6-0? Holy moses ... she does not look 60. The spokesperson for the thighmaster has a number of weight-loss books out that promise that you can eat really yummy 'real' foods and still lose weight.

The secret is combinations -- Proteins and fats should only be consumed with veggies, carbs should be consumed with veggies and no fat, and fruit should be consumed by itself. Sugar is a no-no. It sounds simple enough but I think it might prove a bit frustrating after a while. I mean, bread with veggies? Chicken without pasta? Hmmmmm.

The plan is pretty popular -- even my mom is doing it! Have you tried it? What do/did you think?

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