That's Fit

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura,

My husband and I have been married for seven years. When we were dating, and even early in our marriage, we laughed a lot, spent time together and had a great sex life. Now? We cross paths in the hallway, argue all the time and never have sex. Honestly, it has been over a year since we made love. Lately, I have been thinking that if an opportunity for an affair came into my life, I just might act on it. At first it was just a fantasy, but a co-worker of mine has been taking an interest in me. When we are together (lunch and happy hour), I feel like I am with my husband again ... the guy I married ... not the guy I pass in the hallway. Should I pursue this relationship? Is it really that wrong to have an affair?

Thank you for any advice you might have for me.
R.J., Irving, Texas

Dear R.J.,

This is a tough one because I do not believe there are many absolutes in this world. What may be right for someone, may not be right for someone else. The most important thing is that your behavior is always in alignment with your core values. So ask yourself, "Do YOU think you should pursue this relationship?"

You may also want to ask yourself, "What am I really trying to achieve by doing this behavior?" The answer is probably not to have an orgasm because let's face it, we know we can all achieve that on our own. I think what you are longing for is the sense of connection you used to have with your spouse. Rewarding and gratifying sex is part of a healthy and happy relationship; it is a not a stand-alone aspect of a relationship. Rather than having an affair, I recommend you get to the root of the problem. It sounds to me that the problem lies in the fact that you are no longer experiencing a meaningful relationship with your spouse. Ask yourself the following questions, and write down your answers. You may also want to consider these questions as well. Once you have reflected on the root of your behavior, you will be better prepared to speak with your husband.

10 Moment of Choice Questions (adapted from Debbie Ford's, The Right Questions)

1. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
2. Will this choice contribute to my health or detract from it?
3. Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?
4. Will this choice add to my life force or will it drain me of my energy?
5. Will I use this choice as a catalyst to grow and learn, or will I use it to beat myself up?
6. Does this choice empower me or does it dis-empower me?
7. Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
8. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
9. Is this choice coming from my heart or from my ego?
10. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?