That's Fit

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura!

After being married for almost 9 years, my husband admitted to having an affair that has been going on for almost over a year. He told me he wanted to leave me for her. So, I recently filed for divorce and am devastated and depressed. I have used to work out four to five times a week and also always used to eat the right foods. Now, I could care less. I've gained almost ten pounds over the past month and am really having a hard time. I know I should get back in shape but I just can't get motivated. Any ideas on how to get back on track would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Theresa in Rochester, N.Y.

Dear Theresa,

The feeling of being betrayed can really "do a number" on your head and is likely to have an impact upon your self-esteem. And granted, it is normal to go through a period of grieving. Losing someone through divorce is similar to losing someone who has died. You still go through a similar range of emotions. Your lack of motivation is more than likely due to depression. When one says to another in marriage "Til death do us part" it literally means forever. However, I am here to tell you that nothing in life is guaranteed. Not even a piece of paper can guarantee that people won't make the wrong choices which may ultimately end their "forever" relationship.

To help you get back on track to being happy, healthy and fit here are a few thoughts to contemplate:

New research shows that when it comes to building intimacy as a couple, it's not only important to plan time alone together, it's also important to try new things. That's because when we try something new and exciting, happy chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine flood our brains, the same chemicals that give you that butterflies-in-the-tummy feeling when love is brand new.

Recent studies have shown that when couples try something new together that they both enjoy, they report more satisfaction in their marriage than people who do the same activities over and over again. New activities may include taking a class together, or trying a new sport like skiing or hiking. Researchers theorize that it's the boost in brain chemicals that allow spouses to feel some of those "puppy love" feelings that inevitably fade over the years.

I've no idea if trying a new restaurant will make your heart beat faster this Valentine's Day, but getting out and being active as a couple is certain to boost your physical health and it may even bring you closer together.

Have you every caught your spouse's or partner's eyes lingering a little too long over someone who wasn't...well...you? As offensive as it may seem, scientists are now saying that a little ogling is normal, for men and women.

Called "attention adhesion," it's when an attractive person draws our eye and we just can't look away. But that doesn't mean that you get to stare with your tongue hanging out, while your mate's blood pressure rises. Instead, scientists say that though our eyes may be automatically drawn to a person who catches our interest, self-control should take over very soon after.

Healthy rubbernecking and healthy relationships have the same thing in common -- respect. While ogling may be evolutionary, you have to know what your partners limits are. Lingering over a celebrity might be acceptable to your wife, commenting on her sister's hotness is most likely not. For more do's and don'ts on ogling, check out the side bar in this MSNBC article.

Sometimes, after a particularly hectic stretch of days, I gaze at my husband over dinner and think, "Oh yeah, I remember you." It's easy to push your relationship to the bottom of your list of priorities, especially in the wake of jobs, kids, and daily routines. A good relationship can actually promote your physical health, however, as well as your emotional and mental well-being, and it's worth it to keep it happy and healthy for you and your significant other.

So here are five tips to help you get closer to the one you love. They include:

• Listen, really listen, and follow up on what you hear.
• Focus on what you like about each other, rather than the fact that he never picks up his socks.
• Nag away, and get no where. Instead, present possible alternatives, but always cushion them with plenty of positives.
• Set aside time for each other every day, even if it's only a few minutes at a time.
• Get physical -- hugging, kissing, hand holding, cuddling, and sex can go a long way toward building intimacy.

Whether you're in one, wish you were in one, or are currently avoiding one, relationships are never far off anyone's radar. And whether you're cool and confident, quiet and shy, or quirky and carefree, how you present yourself to others makes a big difference in how they respond back to you.

Flirting is an easy way to let the person of your affection know that you're interested but for many people, flirting definitely doesn't come easily. Sending that "I'm interested" signal means putting yourself out there in a way that can make you feel very vulnerable. If you haven't had your daily dose of confidence today, check out this article for a few tips on successful flirting. Among them:

• be sincere
• smile
• make eye contact (but don't stare!)
• use positive body language and even gentle touch (if it's welcomed)
• test your flirting skills on your friends
• read the other person's body language
• NO cheesy pick up lines
• make the other person feel good about themselves
• don't take rejection personally
• be kind when you aren't interested

I'd add to the list to eat right and exercise, because taking care of yourself will make you feel great and build your confidence -- a vibe others can't help but see. Flirting isn't just for new encounters either; a little interest can spice things up and add a little heat to even the longest relationship. Good luck and happy flirting!

Do you have a reactant personality? If so, you might be sabotaging yourself. A person who's reactant is someone who perceives reminders, requests, or gentle criticism from another person as "controlling" and may go out of their way to avoid the behavior that the other person is requesting. For instance, if a reactant person has a boss who's constantly motivating his or her employees to do more, a reactant person may think their boss is trying to control them and the way they spend their time, and may actually do less work.

That's according to a recent study that asked participants who were identified as being reactant to complete tasks. While they worked, the names of two people they had identified in their life as being controlling flashed on a screen. When the name of someone they'd identified as wanting them to always do more work flashed on the screen, the participants actually did less work than usual.

Fighting with your spouse, tensions at work, a negative co-worker or friend -- these are all things that cause us to be emotionally stressed out. Usually, when the problem is resolved, our stress melts away and we feel relieved. But what if that stress has a lasting impact on our health? Ac coding to this, social interaction plays a much bigger role in our lives -- as the author puts it, we can catch someone's emotions just as easily as we can catch a cold from them. This works both ways, as people can spread both harmful negative emotion as well as helpful positive emotion.

I can relate to this. For years, I worked in an office full of nitpicky, mean and downright catty people who were unhappy with their lives and tried to spread that unhappiness all around. My current workplace is free of those negative emotions, thank goodness. But it doesn't seem fair that someone else's negativity can impact our own emotional health. How do we protect ourselves?