That's Fit

There are more and more rumblings Santa should shed some weight. In this earlier post, the U.S. Surgeon General and The Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas are asking Santa to lose pounds. In one survey, the average Santa weighs 256 pounds.

Many Americans are outraged if you even suggest Santa should wear a smaller belt size. The jolly man's belly is as sacrosanct as the National Anthem to some Americans. I once sang a doo wop version of the National Anthem at a Chicago Bulls game with my amateur singing group. We really jazzed it up. Half the crowd booed, half cheered. It made the papers.

Now a healthy Santa from Scotland is refusing to wear a pillow under his red suit. Bill Winton, 80, said he was motivated to remove the pillow as he noticed children jumping onto his knee had become heavier over the years. When parents and kids ask him why he's so thin, Winton replies, "Santa's on a diet." Response has been positive and the mall where Winton meets the kids is firmly behind his efforts to fight the undeniable problem of rising childhood obesity. I am cheering for Winton. How about you?

Be honest. Should Santa slim down? Next thing you know we'll be asking if Santa should get LASIK and lose the spectacles. I realize this whole concept is Grinchy, but the U.S. Surgeon General likes the idea of a jolly thin man.

U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson said Santa's role model responsibilities to kids are no different than those of healthy NFL players. The Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas concurs with Galson that Santa is too portly, asking their 800 Santas to slim their bowlfuls of jelly before this summer's convention. A survey by Tom Connaghan, founder of the International University of Santa Claus, reports the average weight of 300 Santas was 256 pounds. Unless these Santas are extremely tall, 256 pounds is hardly fit. A spokeswoman for the Massachusetts Department of Public Health says Santa is just fine the way he is, but they suggest families leave him healthier snacks.

Here's my take -- I envision a FitSanta similar in spirit and character to Grizzly Adams, star of The Life and Times with Grizzly Adams television series of the 1970s. He doesn't sport six-pack abs, but his paunch is not so large that he can't fell a tree with an axe in two minutes flat. I wish for a 6'2", 220-pound, fully-bearded Santa capable of running a 5K with a present under each arm in under 30 minutes. As for snacks, I say keep the cookies coming. My Santa is a man of moderation, he'll take just a couple bites to sustain his energy for all-night gift deliveries. Is your ideal Santa fit or fat?