That's Fit

Ask Laura! Let go to lose weight

Laura Lewis — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 07:00:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!, Diet & Weight Loss

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura:

I have tried so many diets but end up going off of them because I miss my favorite foods. I don't know why I just can't stick to a program. Do you have any advice? I really want to lose the baby weight I gained during my last pregnancy. But that was three years ago and I am still thirty pounds overweight.

Signed,

Fran in Little Rock, Arkansas

Dear Fran,

Over the years, I have helped so many people get their health and their eating on track. The one commonality I have found between many of them is their unwillingness to let go of foods, beverages, candy, gum and even condiments that they "love." When you want to lose weight, get healthier, live longer and get more fit, you have to go through a process of what I like to call "Letting go to lose!"

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Ask Laura! The real secret to the fountain of youth

Laura Lewis — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura:

I am a woman in my 40s, married and have two kids in high school. I try to work out but my diet isn't the best. But I am doing better than others I know. My question is what do you think is the most important thing to focus upon if I want to live a long time yet feel and look great too?

Deborah K., Lexington, KY

Dear Deborah:

Great question! In other words, what is the fountain of youth? Remember the movie with Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn entitled "Death Becomes Her?" The comedy focuses upon the two rivals obtaining a youth elixir from the eternally beautiful Isabella Rossellini's character. They end up being beautiful on the outside while their bodies decay on the inside. Funny yet thought provoking movie. Does a fountain of youth exist? Maybe. It appears residents of a particular community in Europe seem to have found it.

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Ask Laura! Can you lose weight with affirmations?

Laura Lewis — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura:

What is your opinion about affirmations? Do you think they work if you are trying to lose weight? I've tried them before and no luck.

Signed,

Curious in Webster, NY

Dear Curious,

By affirmations, I assume you are referring to where one speaks out loud a phrase related to specific goal. Yes, I believe they can work. But your mind and your heart need to be in the right places. Or you might as well be reading The Gettysburg Address out loud every day.

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Ask Laura! Loneliness leads to belly fat

Laura Lewis — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!, Diet & Weight Loss, Motivation

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

I recently moved to a new city for a job and haven't really changed much in my routine at work since I am basically doing the same job. At home, I just don't have any one to hang out with like I used to in my home town. I don't think I am eating more but I am gaining weight anyway and I've gone up a pant size. Could the stress of moving make me gain weight? Can being lonely have anything to do with it?

Signed,

Bob P, Wayne, Pa.

Hi Bob,

Great question. And I am so sorry you are going through this adjustment in your life. It's tough moving to a new town, leaving familiar faces, friends and family behind. You move for the opportunity yet something is amiss. And it is natural to feel lonely in this type of circumstance. Physically, your body is reacting to being lonely. Did you know when you are feeling lonely the blood flow running through your cardiovascular system slows down? And that the feeling of being lonely may directly impact your waist line? Here's why:

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Ask Laura! Boost Bedroom Mojo with Exercise

Laura Lewis — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 10:21:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!, Diet & Weight Loss, Fitness, Motivation, Men's Health

My husband and I work full-time. By the time we get home and eat dinner, we really aren't interested in having sex. I know all I want to do is get ready for bed to sleep! My husband is usually asleep by the time I get into bed. I read somewhere that exercising might help by putting us "in the mood." Would joining a gym help us out in the love department?

Thanks a bunch!

"Feeling like a slug" in Chicago

Dear Feeling,

So many people are low energy, depressed, stressed and just plain unhappy. Like you, there is not a lot of activity happening in the bedroom. Many are sedentary. Yet, did you know that simply exercising, specifically doing weight resistance exercise at least three times per week can naturally elevate your testosterone or "T" levels? And the higher your testosterone levels are the more you will be in the mood to hop in the sack with your honey. If you are interested in having some smoking hot activity in the boudoir with your sweetie pie, listen up! Check out these 5 "T" boosting tips on how to turn up the heat!

1. Join a gym. If you have never had a private session with a trainer, then book one. An experienced personal trainer can give you a thorough orientation on how to properly use all of the exercise equipment a gym has to offer. Most gyms will provide a free session upon request to help you get started.Then once you get going, really focus upon the goal of doing three high intensity sets on each piece of equipment with resting periods in between sets, of 30 seconds to three minutes. Workout hard and push yourself to go beyond your comfort zone. Higher intensity workouts result in higher elevation of testosterone. Also, the harder you workout, the longer you can rest before you move on to the next set!

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Ask Laura! Taking These 7 Brain Breaks May Give You a Better Bod!

Laura Lewis — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

I am a worrier, a workaholic and when I get home at night, I am so overwhelmed with getting things "done" that I just can't relax. I am overweight, stressed out and basically unhappy and NOT motivated to workout! I would love to bust out of this cycle. Help!

Exhausted in Carrollton, Texas

Dear Exhausted,

Do you ever stop moving? Stop working? Stop running on that treadmill of your life? Did you know that it is "uber" important for you to take small breaks throughout your day? And also did you know meditating daily and getting "present" is something your brain loves and needs in order to stay healthy, happy and ultimately keeps you mentally, emotionally and physically fit? Yes indeed. Researchers agree: You NEED to slow down and give yourself a break!

Let's chat about the human body for a moment shall we? What would happen if you took a well-oiled machine and pushed it to the max day after day? Hmmm? It would not function optimally for eternity. No way. Your body, and more specifically, your brain has its limits! If your brain works and works without taking breaks, you're not giving it a chance to let information flow, and as a result, breakdown occurs. Is this sounding familiar? With high gas prices, a shaky economy in addition to everyday stressors, taking brain breaks helps you in so many ways. Emory University sociologist Corey Keyes says that "a feeling of emptiness and exhaustion is a sign we need to tend to things." My dear "Exhausted". You fit the bill. Let's see if I may help you see the light!

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Ask Laura! The Chemistry of a Kiss

Laura Lewis — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

I have heard something about how when we kiss someone we can tell if they are a good mate for us or not. I've also read your post on how humans are attracted to people who have genes that are not the same or are dissimilar to our own. Are these two somehow related? Since I haven't been the best in choosing girlfriends, I need all the help I can get. Is it possible how someone actually smells and kisses influence who I end up with?

Signed,

Casa Nova, U.S.A.

Dear "Casa",

You are correct. When you kiss someone you are actually taking a "taste test" to determine if someone is compatible with you or not as a mate...with the intent of having little critters of your own! Er, I mean kids. In this post I wrote about how women on the pill may choose the wrong mate due to how it can change their "ideal mate compass", causing it to point in the wrong direction! It turns out, without any synthetic hormones involved, you ideally tune in to a potential partner's chemistry by scent which relays their MHC's or major histocompatibility complex. MHC's are a "key" that relays genetic compatibility which in turn determines the success having healthy offspring. MHC's are not only present as a scent but also in your saliva! Wow! When I read this article I was simply blown away! And then I started to think about the boyfriends I have had since I was a teen, how I felt about kissing them in relation to how the relationship went!! What a concept to contemplate. Here are a few rules to follow on your Kissing Quest for your ideal woman:

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Ask Laura! How NOT to be shy!

Laura Lewis — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Dear Laura,

I am a newly divorced, 38 year old woman and have 3 kids, ages 13, 11 and 9. When my kids are with their Dad I end up just sitting at home instead of going out. I really do want to get on with my life and have fun. But I am really shy. I have gained weight, have low energy and even my skin isn't what it used to be. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Thanks.

Aida A. in Pennsylvania

Dear Aida,

Alrighty then. Well Aida, I am not exactly THE expert in not being shy because I actually am. Yes. Go figure. I have been in media for a long time, radio, TV, speaking and more but throw me into a situation where I am actually supposed to talk to people I don't know, like at a party or if I am out with friends and I am coaxed to speak to stranger, I freeze. I can certainly identify with having to deal with shyness. Even my daughter, who is sixteen, was absolutely beside herself when, a few years ago, we were at our local Whole Foods and a really handsome and friendly looking fellow was trying to get my attention. What did I do? I avoided making eye contact and scurried out of the store with my daughter asking me if I was out of my mind! Since then, after hearing my daughter tell the story over and over again to friends and family, I have attempted to conquer this perplexing "condition". In doing so, I have found a few tips to be helpful which you might find beneficial as well.

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Ask Laura! Negative emotions are rooted in survival of species

Laura Lewis — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Dear Laura:

I consider myself a pretty together person when it comes to working out and eating healthy food. Yet for some reason my moods are not the best. I find I get angry easily and react when others tick me off. For example, when I am driving I get really impatient and end up being really stressed and agitated when I get to work. I feel better after I work out, but I don't hit the gym until after work. Any ideas?

Thanks.

David S., Rochester, N.Y.

Dear David:

Gosh, your not perfect? David, it is unfortunate that so many of us have the same problem. I really feel a big part of our journey through life has to do with conquering those lower emotions and staying in a "higher" state of being. It's super that you realize it' s not healthy to "go there". To be truly healthy as a "whole", you do need to conquer those negative feelings. Read on for some motivation to kick the anger habit.

Here's a bit of background on how negative and positive emotions have an impact upon you... body, mind and more! Warning: This information may change your mind next time you get yourself worked up when someone cuts you off while driving to work!

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Ask Laura! He needs to take a "chill pill" to lose weight

Laura Lewis — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Dear Laura,

Recently I have been really stressed. I'm in sales and with the economy the way it is I am making a lot less money than I usually do. Not a good thing. Since I am fairly health conscious I have been working out regularly and trying to eat right. But get this. I have gained about 12 pounds in the last three months. The only thing that changed is my stress went up. What gives?

Best,

Rick M., Clearwater, FL

Dear Rick,

Ah, one of my favorite subjects! Why? I consider myself an "expert" in this area from first hand experience...hey, I am a type "A" personality who, at times, has to really think about taking my stress down a few notches. With about two thirds of our American population to be considered in the "overweight" category many experts attribute this statistic to our high levels of stress as well as poor eating habits and sedentary lifestyles.

So Rick, here's the deal: Being stressed out all the time may make you gain weight simply for the reason that your cortisol levels are higher than normal. "Messaging" to your brain says, wait a minute, survival is in order, let's store more calories as fat. Hmmm, also blood sugar levels get a bit whacky too. The roller coaster ride your blood sugar is on can cause higher levels of insulin to float around in your body too, in an attempt to level it out. Your brain tells your body via your liver to store more calories as fat, "just because". See, keeping your stress level down will level out your biochemistry, making things work a bit more "normally, so you'll burn more fat calories as fuel. At least in theory.

Here are a few tips on how you can take a "chill pill" which may, in turn, tell your body to ramp it up in the fat burning arena:

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Ask Laura! No Fail Fitness Motivation

Laura Lewis — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Dear Laura,

Every time I decide to start a new workout routine I end up "falling of the wagon" within matter of a few weeks. I have a strong desire to get in shape, especially since I have put on 30lbs since I got married two years ago. But it is just so difficult. What should I do?

Signed,

Jessica W. , Grapevine, TX

Dear Jessica,

Your problem is all too common among many people. Health clubs that sell memberships make a mint off of those like yourself who sign up with great intentions yet after a while, they end up going to the gym less and less. Then one day they just stop going, all the while their checking account is getting debited for the monthly membership fee. Why does this "fitness drop out" phenomenon occur? The answer may be found in the "anatomy" of motivation.

It turns out sports psychologists have identified four phases in the motivational process as one begins to implement a new workout routine: Form Phase, Storm Phase, Norm Phase and Perform Phase.

Check these out!

Form Phase: Excitement is a great indicator for this phase. It's normal yet you might have a difficult time getting started so set a date and go for it!

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Ask Laura! Laugh Your Way Thin?

Laura Lewis — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 09:00:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Dear Laura,

I read that laughing can be a good cardio workout. Can I lose weight just by laughing a lot?

Signed,

Kathleen R., Ridgewood, N.J.

Dear Kathleen,

Laughing is good for your body in many ways. As a matter of fact, I devoted an entire chapter in my recently published book to the subject and named the chapter "Laugh it Off!" People who know me realize that smiling and laughing are behaviors I have integrated into my daily life, and for good reason. Laughing can do wonders for the body, mind and soul! Can you lose weight just by laughing? Read on for some rather enlightening laughter benefits!

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Ask Laura! "Magic" mushrooms help depression, anxiety & addictions?

Laura Lewis — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Dear Laura:

I suffer from anxiety. It prevents me from relaxing, and I am in a constant state of worry. I recently read that "magic mushrooms" have been found to help cure people with my condition. I hate taking prescription drugs. What's the deal? It sounds like an an interesting alternative.

Signed,

Wound Up in Tulsa, Ok

Dear "Wound Up,"

Wow! Talk about a great question. A year and a half ago, you may recall reading about a short-term study performed in a controlled environment where test subjects with various emotional conditions such as anxiety and depression ingested mushrooms containing psilocybin. After two months, their conditions improved dramatically. More recently, researchers at John Hopkins followed up on the psychotropic mushroom study participants and found the beneficial effects long lasting.

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Ask Laura! Infidelity! Is Monogamy Natural?

Laura Lewis — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Dear Laura,

I aspire to live a balanced healthy life. I am a successful 29 year old woman who has a wonderful career. I workout, I eat right, I have wonderful friends and am basically satisfied with my life.Yet, I want to get married, but I am afraid of being with the same person romantically for the rest of my life! I feel that it is not natural to just "be" with the same person "forever." As a matter of fact, I was reading that monogamy is not natural. This is a big issue for me. I want to live a really great life. What do you think?

Signed,

Kathy G, Plano, Texas

Dear Kathy,

What an interesting question. As you know I preach living a "balanced, happy, and healthy life." And since I have a science background, I love contemplating the research associated with this subject. Is it natural for humans to be monogamous? I can honestly say, I don't know. How can we explain all of the infidelity occurring in our society? What exactly is going on with that?

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Ask Laura! 10 Ways to Spot an Exercise Addict

Laura Lewis — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

Working out is a major part of my life. After I leave my job around 5pm, I go to the gym every night and typically spend three hours working out. My girlfriends at work think that I am obsessed with exercising, even calling me an "exercise addict." I don't think I am! I just care about feeling healthy and looking my best. What do you think?

Thanks.

Ms. Fitness, Chicago, Illinois

Dear Ms. Fitness,

Being Fit versus being obsessed with fitness can go hand in hand. Yet, in order to identify if you really are a addicted to exercise, you can begin by asking yourself a series of questions. Here are 10 Ways to tell if you are indeed an Exercise Addict:

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Ask Laura! Does My Food Make Me Sad?

Laura Lewis — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

I have problems with mild depression. Some days are good, others not. I hate feeling "off". I am too busy to be depressed. Is it possible that something I am eating or not eating be responsible for my bouts of depression?

Any feedback you have is welcome.

Anitka D., Ventura, California

Dear Anitka,

A resounding yes is my answer! Researchers have been studying the impact of foods upon mood for decades. Dr. Richard Wurtman, of MIT, originally explored the relationship between carbohydrate rich foods and and the elevation of serotonin in the brain, alleviating depression. It is interesting to note that a diet high in protein can inhibit the formation of serotonin, especially bad news for women as we naturally don't have as much of this "feel good" chemical in our brains as men do. The "cure" is often just a simple carbohydrate meal, without any protein. I can tell you, on occasion, I crave pasta. (Maybe it's because I grew up in Upstate New York where Italian food was everywhere and even served in our school cafeteria 2 to 3 times per week! ;-) Yum! There is nothing like a good pasta pomodoro to put you in a good mood!) . Eating pasta always makes me feel calm and in a great frame of mind. I just have to make sure I do a bit more cardio on my pasta days.

Researchers have found evidence that low Omega 3 fatty acids in the diet, hence the blood stream, is not only associated with cardiovascular disease but also in the diet can cause anger, hostility and even depression. It's common knowledge that American's have the lowest essential fatty acid intake in the world. It is interesting to note that American's have the highest suicide rate in the world too. Research has also shown those individuals with depression and hostility have lower amounts of Omega 3's in their brains. Those with mood problems benefit from taking a higher dose of Omega 3's than others. 1500 milligram supplements taken on a daily basis has shown significant positive alterations in mood.

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Ask Laura! Is Being a Cougar Good For Her Health?

Laura Lewis — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Healthy Relationships, Ask Laura!, Diet & Weight Loss, Motivation

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

I have been single for about five years. I am 43 and a single Mom. I recently started dating a"young man" who is 31. I usually date guys that are the same age or older than I am so you can imagine how shocked I was when I realized he was serious!

I am curious what your thoughts are on older women dating younger men. We have so much fun! We laugh together, have a great passion for each other, and he seems to admire me and my ambitions. I have never felt so good. Yet, there is an underlying feeling that I am doing something "wrong", but my skin, my energy level, my moods, my stress level have all improved dramatically. I can't help but think this must be good for my health!

Thoughts?

S.K., Atlanta, GA

Dear S.K.,

Times are "a changin" my dear. And thank goodness they are when it comes to the world of dating! Did you know, according to this article, that almost 1/3 of all women between the ages of forty and sixty-nine are dating younger men?

Women are finding that going against the "traditional" relationship of days gone by can really make a big difference in their lives. Are they doing it in order to have a soul mate for the rest of their life? Not necessarily! Kathryn Elliott, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette says many become... " victims of inner - critic constrictedness " .Women get caught up with the "shoulds" in life instead of letting go. Instead of living your "dating" life with hard and fast rules and you are still not happy, Elliott says to choose a person who has the same "voltage type". As long as you are in sync in a variety of ways, dating someone significantly younger than you, can actually be a lot of fun.

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Ask Laura! 5 Tips to Boost Sex Drive

Laura Lewis — Fri, 30 May 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

This is a subject I really don't like to talk about with anyone but the fact is I am just not that interested in sex. I used to be when I was younger but something happened after I had my kids. My husband and I used to have sex at least 3 to 4 times a week and we had a lot of fun. A lot of passion. Now, I don't feel like it. When my husband hints around I really just don't want to "go there" if you know what I mean. I think he is losing his patience with me so sometimes I just go ahead and "do it" but I am not into it at all. I feel like a different person. Is there anything you could recommend that might get me to be back to normal? I am 35 and consider myself healthy. I am afraid if I don't get back to the way I was before my husband may end up getting really frustrated with me and look elsewhere.

Signed,

"No Romance For Me"

Dear "No Romance",

There are so many causes for low libido or low sex drive. Many are rooted in biochemical imbalances, others are psychological. Here are 5 Tips to Boost Libido:

1. Get Physical. Poor diet and lack of physical activity can dampen being "in the mood"! Repairing yourself physically with both modifications in diet and fitness can often help stimulate libido. Are you getting enough sleep, at least seven to nine hours per evening? What is your nutrition like? A diet high in refined carbohydrates and fats can also dampen the appetite if you overindulge in these areas. If you get serious about your diet program and workout regularly, at least 4 to 5 times per week it is highly likely that you'll see improvement in your "interest" level if indeed poor nutrition and low activity levels were part of the original problem.

2. Boost Your Mood: Depression is also a cause of low libido. Did you know it is estimated that at any given time in the U.S. 16% of people are clinically depressed? That is not a small number. To identify if you are depressed check out these seven symptoms that you are getting into a depression. Then, if you think are depressed, you should seek professional help from a counselor. Once depression is lifted, sex drive often will increase.

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Ask Laura! Confessions of the "Other" Woman

Laura Lewis — Fri, 23 May 2008 06:30:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura,

I read your column on cheating. I want to confess that I have been the "other" woman not once but three times. You would think I would learn my lesson but I always end up falling for the guy who is already in a relationship with someone else. One guy was engaged and two other guys were married. Two of my affairs were over six months long, one for a little over a year. My last relationship was to a guy that had been married almost seven years and had two small kids at home with his wife. We would sneak away when he took business "trips" and sometimes those trips for him were no further than in my own apartment for a few days where would stay, make love, order food in, all the while he would check in with his wife. I really had this fantasy he would leave me for her. After about one year of listening to how he really didn't love his wife and that he would leaver her some day for me I realized it was never going to happen. That ended about three weeks ago and I am just sick to my stomach about it. I really want to fall in love and live happily ever after. How can I stop my "unavailable guy" habit?

Signed,

S. P. aka The "Other" Woman, NYC

Dear S.P.,

Since you asked me the question of how you might stop your destructive habit of being attracted to unavail men, in response I have a few questions for you. What are you gaining by being the "other woman"? Are you living for a dream? Are you so into power and control that this type of thing makes you feel more alive? These are serious questions. And the big question is how much time have you wasted being in dead-end relationships? You have dedicated quite a bit of time to these unavailable men. I am curious where you envision yourself in the future? Who will it be that you are spending time with in your later years in life?

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Ask Laura! Should I Cheat On My Spouse?

Laura Lewis — Fri, 16 May 2008 06:00:00 EST

Filed under: Ask Laura!

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura,

My husband and I have been married for seven years. When we were dating, and even early in our marriage, we laughed a lot, spent time together and had a great sex life. Now? We cross paths in the hallway, argue all the time and never have sex. Honestly, it has been over a year since we made love. Lately, I have been thinking that if an opportunity for an affair came into my life, I just might act on it. At first it was just a fantasy, but a co-worker of mine has been taking an interest in me. When we are together (lunch and happy hour), I feel like I am with my husband again ... the guy I married ... not the guy I pass in the hallway. Should I pursue this relationship? Is it really that wrong to have an affair?

Thank you for any advice you might have for me.
R.J., Irving, Texas

Dear R.J.,

This is a tough one because I do not believe there are many absolutes in this world. What may be right for someone, may not be right for someone else. The most important thing is that your behavior is always in alignment with your core values. So ask yourself, "Do YOU think you should pursue this relationship?"

You may also want to ask yourself, "What am I really trying to achieve by doing this behavior?" The answer is probably not to have an orgasm because let's face it, we know we can all achieve that on our own. I think what you are longing for is the sense of connection you used to have with your spouse. Rewarding and gratifying sex is part of a healthy and happy relationship; it is a not a stand-alone aspect of a relationship. Rather than having an affair, I recommend you get to the root of the problem. It sounds to me that the problem lies in the fact that you are no longer experiencing a meaningful relationship with your spouse. Ask yourself the following questions, and write down your answers. You may also want to consider these questions as well. Once you have reflected on the root of your behavior, you will be better prepared to speak with your husband.

10 Moment of Choice Questions (adapted from Debbie Ford's, The Right Questions)

Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
Will this choice contribute to my health or detract from it?
Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?
Will this choice add to my life force or will it drain me of my energy?
Will I use this choice as a catalyst to grow and learn, or will I use it to beat myself up?
Does this choice empower me or does it dis-empower me?
Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
Is this choice coming from my heart or from my ego?
Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

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