That's Fit

Ask Laura! The Chemistry of a Kiss

Laura Lewis — 2008-08-29T06:30:00+00:00

I have heard something about how when we kiss someone we can tell if they are a good mate for us or not. I've also read your post on how humans are attracted to people who have genes that are not the same or are dissimilar to our own. Are these two somehow related? Since I haven't been the best in choosing girlfriends, I need all the help I can get. Is it possible how someone actually smells and kisses influence who I end up with?

Signed,

Casa Nova, U.S.A.

Dear "Casa",

You are correct. When you kiss someone you are actually taking a "taste test" to determine if someone is compatible with you or not as a mate...with the intent of having little critters of your own! Er, I mean kids. In this post I wrote about how women on the pill may choose the wrong mate due to how it can change their "ideal mate compass", causing it to point in the wrong direction! It turns out, without any synthetic hormones involved, you ideally tune in to a potential partner's chemistry by scent which relays their MHC's or major histocompatibility complex. MHC's are a "key" that relays genetic compatibility which in turn determines the success having healthy offspring. MHC's are not only present as a scent but also in your saliva! Wow! When I read this article I was simply blown away! And then I started to think about the boyfriends I have had since I was a teen, how I felt about kissing them in relation to how the relationship went!! What a concept to contemplate. Here are a few rules to follow on your Kissing Quest for your ideal woman:

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Ask Laura! How NOT to be shy!

Laura Lewis — 2008-08-22T06:30:00+00:00

Dear Laura,

I am a newly divorced, 38 year old woman and have 3 kids, ages 13, 11 and 9. When my kids are with their Dad I end up just sitting at home instead of going out. I really do want to get on with my life and have fun. But I am really shy. I have gained weight, have low energy and even my skin isn't what it used to be. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Thanks.

Aida A. in Pennsylvania

Dear Aida,

Alrighty then. Well Aida, I am not exactly THE expert in not being shy because I actually am. Yes. Go figure. I have been in media for a long time, radio, TV, speaking and more but throw me into a situation where I am actually supposed to talk to people I don't know, like at a party or if I am out with friends and I am coaxed to speak to stranger, I freeze. I can certainly identify with having to deal with shyness. Even my daughter, who is sixteen, was absolutely beside herself when, a few years ago, we were at our local Whole Foods and a really handsome and friendly looking fellow was trying to get my attention. What did I do? I avoided making eye contact and scurried out of the store with my daughter asking me if I was out of my mind! Since then, after hearing my daughter tell the story over and over again to friends and family, I have attempted to conquer this perplexing "condition". In doing so, I have found a few tips to be helpful which you might find beneficial as well.

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Ask Laura! Negative emotions are rooted in survival of species

Laura Lewis — 2008-08-15T06:30:00+00:00

Dear Laura:

I consider myself a pretty together person when it comes to working out and eating healthy food. Yet for some reason my moods are not the best. I find I get angry easily and react when others tick me off. For example, when I am driving I get really impatient and end up being really stressed and agitated when I get to work. I feel better after I work out, but I don't hit the gym until after work. Any ideas?

Thanks.

David S., Rochester, N.Y.

Dear David:

Gosh, your not perfect? David, it is unfortunate that so many of us have the same problem. I really feel a big part of our journey through life has to do with conquering those lower emotions and staying in a "higher" state of being. It's super that you realize it' s not healthy to "go there". To be truly healthy as a "whole", you do need to conquer those negative feelings. Read on for some motivation to kick the anger habit.

Here's a bit of background on how negative and positive emotions have an impact upon you... body, mind and more! Warning: This information may change your mind next time you get yourself worked up when someone cuts you off while driving to work!

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Ask Laura! He needs to take a "chill pill" to lose weight

Laura Lewis — 2008-08-08T06:30:00+00:00

Dear Laura,

Recently I have been really stressed. I'm in sales and with the economy the way it is I am making a lot less money than I usually do. Not a good thing. Since I am fairly health conscious I have been working out regularly and trying to eat right. But get this. I have gained about 12 pounds in the last three months. The only thing that changed is my stress went up. What gives?

Best,

Rick M., Clearwater, FL

Dear Rick,

Ah, one of my favorite subjects! Why? I consider myself an "expert" in this area from first hand experience...hey, I am a type "A" personality who, at times, has to really think about taking my stress down a few notches. With about two thirds of our American population to be considered in the "overweight" category many experts attribute this statistic to our high levels of stress as well as poor eating habits and sedentary lifestyles.

So Rick, here's the deal: Being stressed out all the time may make you gain weight simply for the reason that your cortisol levels are higher than normal. "Messaging" to your brain says, wait a minute, survival is in order, let's store more calories as fat. Hmmm, also blood sugar levels get a bit whacky too. The roller coaster ride your blood sugar is on can cause higher levels of insulin to float around in your body too, in an attempt to level it out. Your brain tells your body via your liver to store more calories as fat, "just because". See, keeping your stress level down will level out your biochemistry, making things work a bit more "normally, so you'll burn more fat calories as fuel. At least in theory.

Here are a few tips on how you can take a "chill pill" which may, in turn, tell your body to ramp it up in the fat burning arena:

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Ask Laura! No Fail Fitness Motivation

Laura Lewis — 2008-08-01T06:30:00+00:00

Dear Laura,

Every time I decide to start a new workout routine I end up "falling of the wagon" within matter of a few weeks. I have a strong desire to get in shape, especially since I have put on 30lbs since I got married two years ago. But it is just so difficult. What should I do?

Signed,

Jessica W. , Grapevine, TX

Dear Jessica,

Your problem is all too common among many people. Health clubs that sell memberships make a mint off of those like yourself who sign up with great intentions yet after a while, they end up going to the gym less and less. Then one day they just stop going, all the while their checking account is getting debited for the monthly membership fee. Why does this "fitness drop out" phenomenon occur? The answer may be found in the "anatomy" of motivation.

It turns out sports psychologists have identified four phases in the motivational process as one begins to implement a new workout routine: Form Phase, Storm Phase, Norm Phase and Perform Phase.

Check these out!

Form Phase: Excitement is a great indicator for this phase. It's normal yet you might have a difficult time getting started so set a date and go for it!

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Ask Laura! Laugh Your Way Thin?

Laura Lewis — 2008-07-11T09:00:00+00:00

Dear Laura,

I read that laughing can be a good cardio workout. Can I lose weight just by laughing a lot?

Signed,

Kathleen R., Ridgewood, N.J.

Dear Kathleen,

Laughing is good for your body in many ways. As a matter of fact, I devoted an entire chapter in my recently published book to the subject and named the chapter "Laugh it Off!" People who know me realize that smiling and laughing are behaviors I have integrated into my daily life, and for good reason. Laughing can do wonders for the body, mind and soul! Can you lose weight just by laughing? Read on for some rather enlightening laughter benefits!

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Ask Laura! "Magic" mushrooms help depression, anxiety & addictions?

Laura Lewis — 2008-07-04T06:30:00+00:00

Dear Laura:

I suffer from anxiety. It prevents me from relaxing, and I am in a constant state of worry. I recently read that "magic mushrooms" have been found to help cure people with my condition. I hate taking prescription drugs. What's the deal? It sounds like an an interesting alternative.

Signed,

Wound Up in Tulsa, Ok

Dear "Wound Up,"

Wow! Talk about a great question. A year and a half ago, you may recall reading about a short-term study performed in a controlled environment where test subjects with various emotional conditions such as anxiety and depression ingested mushrooms containing psilocybin. After two months, their conditions improved dramatically. More recently, researchers at John Hopkins followed up on the psychotropic mushroom study participants and found the beneficial effects long lasting.

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Ask Laura! Infidelity! Is Monogamy Natural?

Laura Lewis — 2008-06-27T06:30:00+00:00

Dear Laura,

I aspire to live a balanced healthy life. I am a successful 29 year old woman who has a wonderful career. I workout, I eat right, I have wonderful friends and am basically satisfied with my life.Yet, I want to get married, but I am afraid of being with the same person romantically for the rest of my life! I feel that it is not natural to just "be" with the same person "forever." As a matter of fact, I was reading that monogamy is not natural. This is a big issue for me. I want to live a really great life. What do you think?

Signed,

Kathy G, Plano, Texas

Dear Kathy,

What an interesting question. As you know I preach living a "balanced, happy, and healthy life." And since I have a science background, I love contemplating the research associated with this subject. Is it natural for humans to be monogamous? I can honestly say, I don't know. How can we explain all of the infidelity occurring in our society? What exactly is going on with that?

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Ask Laura! 10 Ways to Spot an Exercise Addict

Laura Lewis — 2008-06-20T06:30:00+00:00

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

Working out is a major part of my life. After I leave my job around 5pm, I go to the gym every night and typically spend three hours working out. My girlfriends at work think that I am obsessed with exercising, even calling me an "exercise addict." I don't think I am! I just care about feeling healthy and looking my best. What do you think?

Thanks.

Ms. Fitness, Chicago, Illinois

Dear Ms. Fitness,

Being Fit versus being obsessed with fitness can go hand in hand. Yet, in order to identify if you really are a addicted to exercise, you can begin by asking yourself a series of questions. Here are 10 Ways to tell if you are indeed an Exercise Addict:

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Ask Laura! Depression and Diet

Laura Lewis — 2008-06-13T06:30:00+00:00

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

I have problems with mild depression. Some days are good, others not. I hate feeling "off". I am too busy to be depressed. Is it possible that something I am eating or not eating be responsible for my bouts of depression?

Any feedback you have is welcome.

Anitka D., Ventura, California

Dear Anitka,

A resounding yes is my answer! Researchers have been studying the impact of foods upon mood for decades. Dr. Richard Wurtman, of MIT, originally explored the relationship between carbohydrate rich foods and and the elevation of serotonin in the brain, alleviating depression. It is interesting to note that a diet high in protein can inhibit the formation of serotonin, especially bad news for women as we naturally don't have as much of this "feel good" chemical in our brains as men do. The "cure" is often just a simple carbohydrate meal, without any protein. I can tell you, on occasion, I crave pasta. (Maybe it's because I grew up in Upstate New York where Italian food was everywhere and even served in our school cafeteria 2 to 3 times per week! ;-) Yum! There is nothing like a good pasta pomodoro to put you in a good mood!) . Eating pasta always makes me feel calm and in a great frame of mind. I just have to make sure I do a bit more cardio on my pasta days.

Researchers have found evidence that low Omega 3 fatty acids in the diet, hence the blood stream, is not only associated with cardiovascular disease but also in the diet can cause anger, hostility and even depression. It's common knowledge that American's have the lowest essential fatty acid intake in the world. It is interesting to note that American's have the highest suicide rate in the world too. Research has also shown those individuals with depression and hostility have lower amounts of Omega 3's in their brains. Those with mood problems benefit from taking a higher dose of Omega 3's than others. 1500 milligram supplements taken on a daily basis has shown significant positive alterations in mood.

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Ask Laura! Dating Younger Men Good For Her Health?

Laura Lewis — 2008-06-06T06:30:00+00:00

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

I have been single for about five years. I am 43 and a single Mom. I recently started dating a"young man" who is 31. I usually date guys that are the same age or older than I am so you can imagine how shocked I was when I realized he was serious!

I am curious what your thoughts are on older women dating younger men. We have so much fun! We laugh together, have a great passion for each other, and he seems to admire me and my ambitions. I have never felt so good. Yet, there is an underlying feeling that I am doing something "wrong", but my skin, my energy level, my moods, my stress level have all improved dramatically. I can't help but think this must be good for my health!

Thoughts?

S.K., Atlanta, GA

Dear S.K.,

Times are "a changin" my dear. And thank goodness they are when it comes to the world of dating! Did you know, according to this article, that almost 1/3 of all women between the ages of forty and sixty-nine are dating younger men?

Women are finding that going against the "traditional" relationship of days gone by can really make a big difference in their lives. Are they doing it in order to have a soul mate for the rest of their life? Not necessarily! Kathryn Elliott, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette says many become... " victims of inner - critic constrictedness " .Women get caught up with the "shoulds" in life instead of letting go. Instead of living your "dating" life with hard and fast rules and you are still not happy, Elliott says to choose a person who has the same "voltage type". As long as you are in sync in a variety of ways, dating someone significantly younger than you, can actually be a lot of fun.

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Ask Laura! 5 Tips to Boost Low Libido

Laura Lewis — 2008-05-30T06:30:00+00:00

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura Lewis!

Dear Laura,

This is a subject I really don't like to talk about with anyone but the fact is I am just not that interested in sex. I used to be when I was younger but something happened after I had my kids. My husband and I used to have sex at least 3 to 4 times a week and we had a lot of fun. A lot of passion. Now, I don't feel like it. When my husband hints around I really just don't want to "go there" if you know what I mean. I think he is losing his patience with me so sometimes I just go ahead and "do it" but I am not into it at all. I feel like a different person. Is there anything you could recommend that might get me to be back to normal? I am 35 and consider myself healthy. I am afraid if I don't get back to the way I was before my husband may end up getting really frustrated with me and look elsewhere.

Signed,

"No Romance For Me"

Dear "No Romance",

There are so many causes for low libido or low sex drive. Many are rooted in biochemical imbalances, others are psychological. Here are 5 Tips to Boost Libido:

1. Get Physical. Poor diet and lack of physical activity can dampen being "in the mood"! Repairing yourself physically with both modifications in diet and fitness can often help stimulate libido. Are you getting enough sleep, at least seven to nine hours per evening? What is your nutrition like? A diet high in refined carbohydrates and fats can also dampen the appetite if you overindulge in these areas. If you get serious about your diet program and workout regularly, at least 4 to 5 times per week it is highly likely that you'll see improvement in your "interest" level if indeed poor nutrition and low activity levels were part of the original problem.

2. Boost Your Mood: Depression is also a cause of low libido. Did you know it is estimated that at any given time in the U.S. 16% of people are clinically depressed? That is not a small number. To identify if you are depressed check out these seven symptoms that you are getting into a depression. Then, if you think are depressed, you should seek professional help from a counselor. Once depression is lifted, sex drive often will increase.

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Ask Laura! The "Other" Woman

Laura Lewis — 2008-05-23T06:30:00+00:00

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura,

I read your column on cheating. I want to confess that I have been the "other" woman not once but three times. You would think I would learn my lesson but I always end up falling for the guy who is already in a relationship with someone else. One guy was engaged and two other guys were married. Two of my affairs were over six months long, one for a little over a year. My last relationship was to a guy that had been married almost seven years and had two small kids at home with his wife. We would sneak away when he took business "trips" and sometimes those trips for him were no further than in my own apartment for a few days where would stay, make love, order food in, all the while he would check in with his wife. I really had this fantasy he would leave me for her. After about one year of listening to how he really didn't love his wife and that he would leaver her some day for me I realized it was never going to happen. That ended about three weeks ago and I am just sick to my stomach about it. I really want to fall in love and live happily ever after. How can I stop my "unavailable guy" habit?

Signed,

S. P. aka The "Other" Woman, NYC

Dear S.P.,

Since you asked me the question of how you might stop your destructive habit of being attracted to unavail men, in response I have a few questions for you. What are you gaining by being the "other woman"? Are you living for a dream? Are you so into power and control that this type of thing makes you feel more alive? These are serious questions. And the big question is how much time have you wasted being in dead-end relationships? You have dedicated quite a bit of time to these unavailable men. I am curious where you envision yourself in the future? Who will it be that you are spending time with in your later years in life?

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Ask Laura! Should I Cheat?

Laura Lewis — 2008-05-16T06:00:00+00:00

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura,

My husband and I have been married for seven years. When we were dating, and even early in our marriage, we laughed a lot, spent time together and had a great sex life. Now? We cross paths in the hallway, argue all the time and never have sex. Honestly, it has been over a year since we made love. Lately, I have been thinking that if an opportunity for an affair came into my life, I just might act on it. At first it was just a fantasy, but a co-worker of mine has been taking an interest in me. When we are together (lunch and happy hour), I feel like I am with my husband again ... the guy I married ... not the guy I pass in the hallway. Should I pursue this relationship? Is it really that wrong to have an affair?

Thank you for any advice you might have for me.
R.J., Irving, Texas

Dear R.J.,

This is a tough one because I do not believe there are many absolutes in this world. What may be right for someone, may not be right for someone else. The most important thing is that your behavior is always in alignment with your core values. So ask yourself, "Do YOU think you should pursue this relationship?"

You may also want to ask yourself, "What am I really trying to achieve by doing this behavior?" The answer is probably not to have an orgasm because let's face it, we know we can all achieve that on our own. I think what you are longing for is the sense of connection you used to have with your spouse. Rewarding and gratifying sex is part of a healthy and happy relationship; it is a not a stand-alone aspect of a relationship. Rather than having an affair, I recommend you get to the root of the problem. It sounds to me that the problem lies in the fact that you are no longer experiencing a meaningful relationship with your spouse. Ask yourself the following questions, and write down your answers. You may also want to consider these questions as well. Once you have reflected on the root of your behavior, you will be better prepared to speak with your husband.

10 Moment of Choice Questions (adapted from Debbie Ford's, The Right Questions)

Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
Will this choice contribute to my health or detract from it?
Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?
Will this choice add to my life force or will it drain me of my energy?
Will I use this choice as a catalyst to grow and learn, or will I use it to beat myself up?
Does this choice empower me or does it dis-empower me?
Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
Is this choice coming from my heart or from my ego?
Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

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Ask Laura! Staying Fit During Their Split

Laura Lewis — 2008-05-09T23:00:00+00:00

Dear Laura!

After being married for almost 9 years, my husband admitted to having an affair that has been going on for almost over a year. He told me he wanted to leave me for her. So, I recently filed for divorce and am devastated and depressed. I have used to work out four to five times a week and also always used to eat the right foods. Now, I could care less. I've gained almost ten pounds over the past month and am really having a hard time. I know I should get back in shape but I just can't get motivated. Any ideas on how to get back on track would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Theresa in Rochester, N.Y.

Dear Theresa,

The feeling of being betrayed can really "do a number" on your head and is likely to have an impact upon your self-esteem. And granted, it is normal to go through a period of grieving. Losing someone through divorce is similar to losing someone who has died. You still go through a similar range of emotions. Your lack of motivation is more than likely due to depression. When one says to another in marriage "Til death do us part" it literally means forever. However, I am here to tell you that nothing in life is guaranteed. Not even a piece of paper can guarantee that people won't make the wrong choices which may ultimately end their "forever" relationship.

To help you get back on track to being happy, healthy and fit here are a few thoughts to contemplate:

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Ask Laura! The Ultimate Diet?

Laura Lewis — 2008-05-02T14:00:00+00:00

Dear Laura!

I hate it whenever I start a new diet. I always feel as if I am deprived and I keep thinking about the fact that I am "starving" most of my days. I really try, I do. I buy all of the stuff I need, start out with good intentions and then end up talking myself out of staying on whatever diet it is that I chose to follow at that time. Do you have any advice on how I can stick with a diet and fitness program? And is there really the ultimate diet?

Thanks,

J.L.

Dear J.L.,

Hmmm, the "Ultimate Diet." If I had one diet that worked for everyone, I would be a "gazillionire" (my nine year old son's term!). Over the years, I have designed and facilitated many weight loss "education" and motivation programs and I find that a combination of factors are the "recipe for dieting success." Here are a few of my suggestions that will help you stick to a program:

Keep a food and fitness log and carry it with you everywhere. Each time you eat, drink or chew anything, record it accurately and share how you are feeling at the time -- and do so without judgment of yourself. Then review each evening as if you were an objective observer. How did you do? What were your weak times? Weak points? Look for patterns. You may find you are one who has to have something sweet every few hours ... now that's something to take a look at! Create healthy strategies for dealing those weak times. Can you go take a walk right before dinner when you desire to "munch." Or grab something healthy like celery dipped in almond butter. It's high in fiber, has protein and lots of wonderful fat, which you need, in small doses!

There's more...

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Ask Laura! Wife's desire for sex is low

Laura Lewis — 2008-04-25T13:00:00+00:00

Dear Laura!

I am a 60 year old man that has a high sex drive. But my wife has very little desire for sex. If she has it her way we might make love 3 or 4 times a year . What can I do to help with her problem Any advice will be helpful!

Thank you and have a nice day.

Signed,

w.b.r.

Dear w.b.r,

Having a spouse or partner who does not want to have sex as often as one would like for them to is an age old problem. And it can be confusing, irritating and cause the person who desires more to become angry, resentful and depressed. Feeling rejected also plays into this situation. You did not mention if your wife is pre or post menopausal, however the few items I discuss below will be relevant, regardless of the stage in her life.

Whenever low libido in women comes up in conversation with me, I always like to look at the bigger picture. The following are a few thoughts for contemplation:

Women's hormones shift and change throughout their lives. These shifts can physically cause a decreased desire for sex. Lowered progesterone levels is often found in those women who seem to have zero desire for being intimate with their partner. Low testosterone may also be a factor in both men and women whose interest in sex has waned. Instead of taking the rejection personally, where many men often do, seeking a solution is so extraordinarly wise of you to do. Biochemistry makes or breaks libido in men and women. I would recommend that your wife seek advice from a health care professional whose expertise is in this area. I found this link as a nice resource for more information.
Poor nutrition and fitness can lower one's desire for "romance". A diet high in refined carbohydrates such as foods made with white flour and sugar and are low in fiber, vitamins and minerals essential for optimal health may upset the human "biochemical apple cart"! In order for humans to feel vivacious and alive, we need to consume a diet rich in fresh fruits and veggies, lean protein (vegetarian or animal sources) and most importantly, "good fat", essential for optimal hormonal production and balance. Omega 3 fatty acid sources such as fatty fish, walnuts and flax seeds or oil, consumed daily, can positively effect hormonal balance...plus, side benefits of ingesting Omega 3's are improved heart health, decreased inflammation and elevated moods. Working out, especially resistance exercise, can elevate "youth hormones" naturally. Increasing muscle mass is directly correlated to elevation of testosterone to healthy levels which may help in the "love" department for both men and women.
Emotional intimacy. As a woman, I can tell you that if I don't have an emotional connection with my partner, my desire for him is just not there. Simply having a "real" conversation with your wife may help. And listen to her....really listen. If you show your wife that you are truly interested in how she thinks and feels, it can be a positive turning point in your relationship. Give it a try. It works...trust me. When my boyfriend asks me how I am, looks me in the eyes and actually responds with words that tells me he cares, my attraction to him increases.

Hopefully w.b.r, my words of "woman's wisdom" will help point you in the right direction. There is no one "magic bullet", regardless of all the spam you might receive expounding upon the benefits of sexual enhancement products! We women are complicated to say the least. But having a partner that will hang in there during the challenging times in a relationship, which for you is now, has potential to present great rewards in the long run!

Best of Luck in Love!

Healthfully Yours,

Laura Lewis, Life Fit Expert for That's Fit!

If you need guidance and motivation in making positive changes in your life, send your questions to "Ask Laura" in the comments section of this post!

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Ask Laura! Motivated in the face of sabotage

Laura Lewis — 2008-04-18T08:00:00+00:00

Dear Laura,

Why do you think, when I am with my boyfriend or even out with my friends that they all try to tempt me to eat things that would blow my diet? It has gotten worse the more weight I lose. Last month I lost ten pounds and was feeling really proud of myself. And then my boyfriend shows up with a 1 pound bag of my favorite candy. He said it was a "reward." My friends also always try to get me to have dessert when we are out to eat. How do I deal with this? And why do you think they are doing it? And what can I do?

Thank you.

D. S., Newark, N.J.

Dear D.S.,

The "sabotage" of your diet program by your friends and loved ones is something that unfortunately happens to many people. Especially when the person losing weight starts looking and feeling more confident.

I really don't believe those who care about you are really conscious of this behavior. What I theorize is that it "rocks" their boat of what is normal in their lives and the comfort level they had before with you is changing as your physical appearance changes as well as your eating habits. Let's face it. Most people really don't want change. Change to many feels threatening, even "good" change as it is not in the realm of their familiarity. So what they end up doing, more than likely originating from a subconscious level, is try to bestow upon you your favorite snacks and treats. Seeing you enjoy them would be, well, familiar. Right?

Action Tip: Be strong, smile and say no thank you. If they say why, you have three choices. One, you tell the truth. "I am on a diet and I really am not going to blow it. I am feeling too good!" Or two, "I really am not that hungry" or three "My stomach is feeling a bit off right now." (yes, I know, it's a white lie but many a well-meaning friend or loved one has been shut down with this last one!).

Then I have another theory about some men who do not want their sweetheart to lose weight. (Guys, I apologize for the stereotype and I know there are many wonderful, loving , supportive men out there, so please know this is not intended to put all men in this category). Could it be possible that the better you look the more threatened they might feel that another may try to woo you away? This my dear, is basic insecurity.

Action Tip: Reassure your man. Tell him you are crazy about him. And smile and keep on keeping on! After all, you are doing this ultimately for you and no one else! For your health and happiness. Stay on the path.

Healthfully Yours,

Life Fit Expert, Laura Lewis

PS To read more about healthy living and relationships check out the AOL Body Relationship site!

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Ask Laura! Fasting...good or bad?

Laura Lewis — 2008-04-11T08:00:00+00:00

Dear Laura:

What do you think about fasting? I have been on all sorts of "diet" programs and really can't seem to lose weight. I am thinking about fasting...the kind where you don't eat at all for a few days. Or is there a better alternative?

Signed,

Debbie G., Atlanta, Ga.

Dear Debbie,

When many people think of fasting they might correlate it with not eating any food at all. When in reality there are all sorts of ways that people fast. Heck, I have even heard of the "air" diet. Um, something that I probably wouldn't want to do since I actually enjoy eating!

But here is what I know from personal experience having conducted many workshops on health, fitness and nutrition. People I met who have been on the "metabolic roller coaster" by going for hours without eating and then gorging themselves once a day, end up having slower metabolic rates. Why? Because your body is quite intelligent. If you deprive it of fuel, your body says "Hey...you know, if you are going to starve, I want to survive, so I will slow my metabolic rate down or the rate I burn calories. Cool? Oh, by the way, if you start eating normally again, I will still have a slower metabolism...and you will end up gaining back your weight and more!"

I do like the concept of fasting and "cleansing" or detoxing. But not for long periods of time. I would rather see you go on a "mono diet" for a day, such as eating watermelon all day, for one day only. Your kidneys will ultimately thank you for the cleanse! Oh, if you are diabetic and need to eat a well-balanced diet each and every day, eating watermelon is probably not the best thing to do! I do believe there is something to letting your internal organs rest, such as your liver, kidneys and bowels! They play an integral pary of your health. I usually encourage others, if they are on some sort of self-prescribed food program that they only really need to eat every four to six hours! In that time you may hear a rumbling stomach, but, you know...your stomach may get a chance to "wake up"!! And it will help you not to eat so much in the future if you actually deprive it of being full all the time! What a concept!

Here is what I propose overall. If you want to lose weight, you need to get serious. Serious about your workouts by doing interval training cardiovascularly, 4 to 5 times per week for 15 to 20 minutes at a time. Or by walking or running for at least thirty minutes. I personally love the Eliptical trainer and change up the levels from easy to very difficult like in interval training. Working out with weights three to five times per week will build your muscle, which in turn will crank up your metabolism. Next, eat three balanced meals per day that include lean protein, lots of steamed or fresh green veggies and a few fresh fruits, plus a good complex, nutritious carbohydrate such as lentils or black beans. Oh and let's not forget the "good fat!" Consume olive oil and either flax oil or fish oil/omega 3 fatty acids.They are so good for your overall health, assist in balancing hormones and reducing inflammation. Avoid refined products such as white bread, soft drinks, cookies, chips and more. Like I said previously, if you still have the "hankering" to fast, why not go on a "mono diet" of watermelon all day long? And if you really don't want to eat for an entire day, drink herbal teas with lemon or lime, rest, don't overexert yourself and take it easy!

Do I support starving yourself for days at a time? No. One or two days? Yes. But I really would prefer for you to just eat sensibly, drink plenty of water, throw olive oil on your salad at least once a day and work out! Hope this helps! Most importantly, check with your primary health care provider about not eating and how it might effect you!

Healthfully Yours!

Laura Lewis

Send your questions to me, Laura Lewis for this column! Life fit is all about fitness, nutrition as well as mental, emotional and spiritual issues! I would love to hear from you! LL

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Ask Laura! Not in the Mood for Romance

Laura Lewis — 2008-04-04T06:20:00+00:00

Dear Laura,

I have been married to a wonderful guy for twelve years. We have two children, ages 10 and 7, who take up a lot of my time. I am female, 36 years of age and my problem is, I just don't feel like being romantic with my husband any more. Here's a little bit about me: I could stand to lose about thirty pounds, I am always on a diet, stressed out and don't have time for myself either. I feel as if I have lost the old "me". I really could just take it or leave it when it comes to havng sex. Do you have any suggestions on how to reawaken the passion that used to be a part of me but is nowhere to be found now?

Signed,

Tired and Passionless

Dear Tired,

Not being in the "mood" for romance is a common problem with many couples. Although the frequency of how often couples engage in romantic actitivites varies from couple to couple, the important aspect is that both partners agree on how much is "enough" and "not enough". I have a few ideas for you that may boost your interest in having more "sexy time" with your hubby.

Continue reading Ask Laura! Not in the Mood for Romance

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