I Deserve to Be Healthy

Well, I've learned something about myself this week. I don't handle grief very well.

Because of all the stuff I talked about last week, I really stopped caring about my health. I went back to those old familiar comfort foods. I stopped exercising. I didn't read any of my usual health and fitness blogs. I didn't check in on my Weight Watchers Online for Men account. I didn't even watch my usual weight loss TV shows, "The Biggest Loser" and "Heavy." I just altogether stopped caring.

But I had to weigh in for my Shape Up at Work program. So I did, fully expecting to be up a little bit.

The scale said I'd gained four pounds. Four pounds! Now that's a kick in the gut -- and a shot back to reality.

It just further proves to me that I have to build healthy habits. I have to be able to fall back on exercising and eating right. Instead, I fell back into unhealthy eating and laziness.

I was even able to rationalize it to myself. "You ate Chinese food last night. That's full of salt, and that will affect your weight the next morning." "Hey, after what you've been through, you deserve a break. You deserve to not have to think about this stuff for a few days."

I have to flip this around in my brain. I have to think differently for this to work. I deserve healthy, nutritious foods. I deserve to keep myself active. Eating junk food and lying on the couch isn't a treat; it isn't a break from reality. The reality is that eating junk food and being lethargic is what got me to where I am today.

So enough feeling sorry about myself. Enough of the old me. What's really interesting to me is that I felt it. I actually felt myself getting sick at the food I was eating. My clothes weren't fitting like they used to anymore. I could actually see the way I was changing back. That may be more than anything a reason to reset and try to rebuild those healthy habits again.

So I'm back to the same old rules again. The rules that have served me so well in the past. Drink water; don't drink sodas; exercise; don't eat after dinner. When I fell off the wagon, I fell hard. And it seems like it's twice as hard to climb back on.

My family is there to help me. Little things like, "Do you really want to eat that?" make me angry inside, but I know it's right. It's what I need. My faith has struggled some, too, but with the support of family and friends, my faith is being rebuilt.

I hate that I've lost ground. I track my weight on a spreadsheet, and I hate those weeks where I yo-yo back and forth. But it's a good reminder to keep pushing, to keep on going.

Some days I want to give up. Some days I do. But I have to believe that I deserve to be healthy. Being fat and lazy is not what I am meant to be.


Weight Watchers Online provided Lee with a free trial membership. All opinions are his own.

After decades of dieting only to gain it back, two That's Fit readers have decided to finally rethink their relationship with food and exercise over the next year to move toward a lifetime of fulfilling, healthy living. Come by every week as Ashley and Lee share their successes and challenges as they tip the scale.