I Want to Feel Pretty

I want to feel pretty. I would like to be able to go into any store and find a pair of jeans or a cute dress. It would be such a welcomed feeling to not look at another person's outfit and think, "Wow, that's really adorable, but I'm too fat to pull it off."
I think the theme of this is self-pity. Does anyone else ever feel whiny and just need a moment to let out? This is my moment to let it all out.

Generally, I am a very positive, optimistic person; however, I spent too much time this week longing for superficial happiness in terms of my weight. Yes, my main motivation for losing weight is to be healthy and to help prevent illness and disease. I know how dangerous it is to have so much extra weight on my frame. I carry most of my weight in my midsection, which I've recently learned can be extremely harmful to your health.

At the same time, there is also a huge source of motivation coming from wanting to just feel pretty. I am so thankful that my husband is a kind, wonderful man who often tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, but it just doesn't feel the same when you can't find beauty in yourself. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way, but it is still hard to push these thoughts out of my mind.

Typically, I try to take those negative thoughts and turn them into positive reflections. For example, I try to remind myself that my legs are strong or my face is thinner. This week when I looked in the mirror, all I saw were pockets of fat, especially that "spare tire" around my middle. All I could focus on was how ill-fitting my clothes felt. It doesn't matter how stylish the clothes are because if the size and fit are all wrong, it makes me feel very frumpy.

I think part of my pity party this week stems from Labor Day weekend, which marked the unofficial end of the summer season. For what feels like the umpteenth summer, I had declared this my summer -- my summer to wear cute skirts, sundresses and even a bikini. Sadly, I just watched another summer come and go and yet again and didn't enjoy any of the clothing I so desperately wanted to wear.

I am disappointed because when I made my commitment to my healthy lifestyle, I knew that I would be at a healthy weight for my height in time for summer. I had found a picture of a model wearing the bikini I told myself I would buy when I hit my goal weight. That picture hung on my refrigerator as a daily reminder. While I know I will never be supermodel thin, I know that I can be healthy, lean and fit.

Sometimes it helps me to reflect on what has not gone well so that I can make a plan to fix my mistakes. I have not been putting 100 percent into my fitness routine nor have I consistently resisted food temptations. I have been better, but I haven't been great. In a weird way, I think I needed to have this week to realize how much further I want to take my body. Thankfully, our move is almost complete, and later this week I will be cooking our meals again and have 24-hour access to a gym! I have already started planning meals and workouts!

So here's my written commitment to myself and to the online world: Next summer will be my summer. I will feel comfortable in a swimsuit. I will not spend another summer wishing I could wear a particular article of clothing. I refuse to let another summer slip away from me.

After decades of dieting only to gain it back, two That's Fit readers have decided to finally rethink their relationship with food and exercise over the next year to move toward a lifetime of fulfilling, healthy living. Come by every week as Ashley and Lee share their successes and challenges as they tip the scale.

Lee also realized he's going to need to dig deep, and get serious, to lose the weight he wants to.