By Mary Kearl
AOL Health: In your book you list some "fat-girl" beliefs that made you feel bad about yourself for being overweight. What are they?
Reid: I was apologetic for existing, for taking up so much space. I saw my whole life through my fat [blinders]. I'd walk into a meeting and think people were making judgments about me. As visible as I was, I felt invisible too -- that I was inferior to people who were skinnier than me. I was an extreme case. But some of the feedback I've gotten from the book is that I'm not alone in this.
Photos: Shauna on her 21st birthday, weight: 310 lbs (Left); In 2005, Shauna trying on her old size 26 jeans, weight: 189 lbs (Right).
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: Can you describe some of the guilt and anxieties you had as you were gaining weight and topping out at 351 pounds? Do you still feel that way?
Reid: I think for me, it was feeling out of control, like I was watching my life happening to me, like I'd built this prison of fat. I couldn't do things my friends took for granted -- walking, going out at night, clubbing. I felt like it was hopeless. I would look at my body in the mirror and say "What have you done?" I thought that fat was my most defining characteristic.
Photo: Shauna, 20-years-old at her graduation, weight: 310 lbs.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: What was your relationship with food like when you were at your lowest point and highest body weight?
Reid: It was an all-consuming relationship, me and food. It was a kind of chicken-and-egg thing. I don't know which came first, the weight or the depression. Food was everything to me in some ways. Because I felt antisocial because of my size, shopping for food was something I looked forward to and something that took over my life.
Photo: Shauna, age 23 at her sister's graduation, weight: 351 lbs.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: How has your relationship with food changed?
Reid: Basically, getting a life helped. When I started going to the gym, I stopped letting my weight dictate everything I did. I had a life, and so I didn't need to binge to feel good anymore. I'm still passionate about food. I love cooking, but I love planning healthy meals.
Photo: Shauna reaches her goal of losing half her body mass, weight: 175 lbs.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: As you started to lose weight, did it become easier to ditch your "fat girl" beliefs?
Reid: You kind of have this hope that you'll lose the weight and this amazing person will emerge, but really you're just a smaller version of who you were. For me, it was exercising that really turned me around. I remember when I was still over 300 pounds and I decided to take a weight-lifting class at the gym. I was scared. But I was lifting the weights, and I was really quite good at it because the size of my thighs helped me do squats. I thought, "Wow I can do stuff, I'm not a useless lump of lard." I felt capable. I felt more bold and adventurous. I wanted to try new things. It was more the stuff I was doing that gave me this boost.
Photo: Shauna trying on her old size 26 jeans, weight: 189 lbs.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: Which posed more of a challenge, adopting a healthy lifestyle or being happy in your own skin?
Reid: Definitely being happy in my own skin. To an extent, you can follow the rules -- you can follow a diet or instructions at a gym class. Being fundamentally happy -- only you can do that. For me that was the hardest thing. I would get these little boosts of confidence from the scales going down, but it's hard work to get over.
Photo: Shauna at her wedding in 2005, weight: 196 lbs.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: In the book you describe a lot of secret eating, bingeing and gorging -- do you ever sneak and eat now?
Reid: It's funny, when I'm feeling down it goes on autopilot, heading to the fridge like a zombie, and before you know it you're looking down at an empty wrapper. I still do it, but now the portions are so much smaller. The way I learned to [eat this way] was by savoring it -- rather than scarfing it at my desk, to appreciate it and taste it properly. It took years to learn to do that.
Photo: Shauna at a wedding party in 2005, weight: 189 lbs.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: How has blogging about your diet experiences helped you lose weight?
Reid: Before, I would never tell anyone that I was on a diet. When I started writing about it, it was the first time I was actually getting it down and publishing what my actual goals were. I started with about three readers, and then eventually there were hundreds of readers. In the early days, it was mostly people who Googled "weight loss stories" and like me, were looking to hear how real people were doing it. Word of mouth spread and the rest followed. Just sharing it made me think, "I'm not a freak." Hanging around mates online, it normalizes it. I'm always reading other blogs -- getting new ideas for exercises to try and recipes to try.
Photo: The cover of the UK edition of the published format of her blog.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: What would you say to people who are struggling with their own body images and weight loss?
Reid: I know it's clichéd, but just try to appreciate yourself for who you are now. Work with what you've got. I'm never going to have skinny hips, but I dress the way that's flattering to me. I know I'm never going to be a runner because I'm hopeless at running, but I try other things. Deciding to do what makes you feel good, that will help you rebuild your self-esteem.
Photo: Shauna in 2007, weight: 175 lbs.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
AOL Health: What were some of the weight-loss struggles you faced when the honeymoon period of your dieting ended? How did you overcome them?
Reid: Probably boredom. Since I had so much to lose, I'd think, "I'm just sick of this." I guess complacency, too, because I thought, "I know what I'm doing, yeah it'll keep coming off every week." But I had this kind of list of why I was doing this, and I would read it to myself to remind myself. I would also pick a new goal, like doing a 5k race.
Photo: Biking with her husband in NYC in 2007.
Courtesy of Shauna Reid
