Photo: Tracy Courtney, Chi Machine

I headed to the Launa Stone Day Spa in Calabassas, Calif., for a Diamond Microdermabrasion Facial, which was certainly amazing, but I ended up crawling into a suntan-like horizontal bed called the Chi Machine which is supposed to create a repetitive, oscillating motion on torso, legs and feet. In addition to smoothing cellulite bumps, the Chi Machine is supposed to:

• Provide a lymphatic massage and remove toxicity
• Correct poor posture and relieve back pain
• Increase blood circulation and bone marrow activity
• Increase energy and mental focus
• Reduce nerve pain and muscle fatigue
• Improve insomnia and constipation

For sure, you might experience some effects if you do the Machine regularly; it runs anywhere from $60 to $100 per session at a spa near you. But I made several mistakes when I hopped onto the 14-speed contraption.

First, the spa therapist instructs you to rub in a small dime-sized amount of their "Body Profile" ointment on the cellulite-ridden areas you want the machine to zero in on. So, I literally poured the stuff on my legs and tummy thinking, "My lower half will be transformed if I put a bunch on!" Second, the manufacturer suggests you stay in the machine for only five minutes of oscillating action for the first few sessions, but I gamely set the clock to 30 minutes. At the 20-minute mark, my body was burning hot, and my abs felt like a million red ants were swarming. I could not see cellulite anywhere, but then again, I broke out in momentary hives from the excessive lotion. In fact, all of the lotion ingredients (including Guarana extract, ginger extract, caffeine and cinnamon oil) have been shown to temporarily reduce water retention and appearance of cellulite.

Most potions and cellulite-smoothing ointments of a topical type work for only a couple hours -- if at all. But when you splash them all over your body and add the Chi Machine, well, that's way too much of a good thing. The typical day spa Chi Machine runs about $799, and there's a home version for under $200 [photo].

Of course, there are other (healthier!) ways to reduce the appearance of the bumpy lumps from cellulite and make skin silky smooth, too.