Lemons to Lemonade

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Have you ever been embarrassed? Maybe a slight trip and fall caused your cheeks to flush red. Or perhaps you flashed that cute guy your brightest smile only to later discover that you had a huge piece of spinach in your teeth. Sure these things might bring a little shame. But what if they happened on national TV?

Of course I couldn't have had a little slip and fall or spinach in my teeth. Oh no! That's not grand enough for me. Even though I'm not from Texas, I like to do it big. Why would my most embarrassing moment prove to be anything less than my preferred method -- big.

My BFF Taia and I agreed to do a fitness challenge last summer for the "The Early Show" on CBS. The challenge was set to begin on Memorial Day and end on Labor Day. We had eight weeks to meet weight-loss goals we'd set for various reasons. She was planning a wedding, I wanted to shed 20 or so for general purposes, and another lovely lady we didn't know wanted to shed her Freshman 15.

The first Saturday was simply a weigh-in. Or so I thought. Although excited about the opportunity, and even the pressure I felt to succeed, having the nation's eyes on my number on the scale was a bit unnerving. We chatted nervously in the green room and were introduced to fitness expert and personal trainer Liz Neporent. The producer briefed us on how the segment would go and asked if we had any questions. After passing a line of 200 folk waiting next door at the Apple Store for the newest iPhone, my only question was: Could I change my mind? Too afraid to find voice for my question, I smiled and nodded with the other ladies.

Periodically, the producer returned to give minute reminders of the time before we aired. At this point, I was nervous for real. All too soon, they shuffled us from the green room to the outdoor set where, to my surprise, there awaited fitness equipment. Even a greater surprise was the rapidly-growing line now circling the block at the Apple store. Not only would national TV see the scale, but thanks to the enormous digital display, the crowds of anxious folk who stood in line all night would, too. Things were looking down.

They threw a weight in my hand, put Taia on the bike while the other lady landed the on the treadmill. We needed to look busy for the teaser promoting our segment. A few short minutes later, we were on the air. They lined us up in front of the biggest scale and the biggest digital display I have ever seen in my life. I'm not sure why anyone would ever invent a scale this big, but it was colossal. It was too late to do anything but step forward and see what the scale had to say. Damn.

As I do in most times of crisis, I prayed. I prayed that God Almighty would temporarily strike the nation blind, or at least darken the sky when I took my turn -- because my weight is my personal business, and I had lost my mind temporarily, but now I was back in my right mind so Lord save me from the hell of this demonic fire-breathing scale. Better yet, display Your mighty power oh Great God by opening the bottom of this giant scale with horns and let me sink through to China. If You do oh Most Excellent, they might believe! But He didn't. And it was my turn.

Taia and the other lady stood by unscathed, so I sucked in my gut, closed my eyes and jumped on. Pretty uneventful. The numbers came up on the display, nobody in the iPhone line gasped, laughed or pointed. I jumped off, and we were scheduled for same time next week. I survived. Of course, there was no way week two would work out this well. But I'll tell you all about it, next week!