Karla Carrington Photo: Charisse Beamon

The mind is a terrible thing to waste -- on thoughts of my former fatty self. But I do it, and I do it regularly. I'd even venture to say I'm good at it. I highly doubt it's a good thing, but I waste thoughts on the old me on a daily basis. I guess in its own twisted way, it's good since those thoughts provoke an immediate "stop" to some of the bad habits that led me to a life of morbid obesity. But what happens when the thoughts begin to affect how I shop, dress and respond to people?

At my highest weight of 386 pounds, I was a size 36. Today, I currently weigh, um, less than that, and I am a size 10 on top and 12 on bottom. Figuratively speaking, I am normal. So why is it that I agonize over things like showing my arms and the length of my hemline?

Shopping is still a huge mental battle. In the early weight-loss days, my first obstacle was to use a dressing room. In the prior 30 years, I never had. Who needs a dressing room when you know the size with the most Xs behind it is yours? Once I began to lose the weight, I continued to buy clothes in my old size. For some unknown reason, it did not click that I was no longer a size 36, not until I made it home with purchases that didn't fit. It took me some time and my sister, Dr. Jan the therapist, to help me see that I was mentally staying at the old size because I feared I would return to that size. I had not embraced the new me that was forming.

Well, I have now embraced her! I have embraced her so much that I sometimes fear I skirt the line in my attire because I think I am just too damn sexy. Let me lead off by saying that I have great taste and work with a bunch of New York's finest style/food/health/home divas that can and will correct the fashionably challenged if given half a chance -- so I know that I am not far off base. I just can't seem to stop taking myself through the fat-girl checklist -- arms and knees covered, elastic everything, no florals, dark colors to look thinner. I work for this body and have to remind myself of that regularly. When I'm up at 6 a.m. running with my trainer, most folks are still sleep. Should my closet look the same as the one I had when I never worked out and ate what I wanted? Heck No!

The photo above taken on Monday. The dress is a size 12. If you look closely, or from a distance, you will see a hip on the left and a matching hip on the right. My girlfriends have credited these hips with everything from getting us free Super Sizing at McDonald's to VIP nightclub access. I can't say for sure that my hips did it, but I have learned that there are privileges associated with the way we look. When I bought this dress, I feared it was too short and decided to pair it with leggings. But when I put it on for work, I kicked myself over and over because it is hip hugging. After several wardrobe changes, a self-help pep talk and a call to my sister/therapist, I decided to wear it.

When I arrived at work and the compliments began, I knew I had made the right decision. From the time I made up my mind to wear it, I knew I had to do it with confidence. I will probably continue to face the challenge of what I can and cannot wear. Sometimes I will hit and sometimes (rarely, I hope), I'll miss. I am coming to grips with wearing what makes me happy in spite of what other people think. I'm not the type to go overboard, but maintaining that old mindset keeps me under the radar and shrinking back when I no longer have to. To wear or not to wear, that is the question. The answer is, whatever I say it is.