Happy To Be Me
Categories: The Good, The Fat and The Hungry, Diet & Weight Loss
A few weeks ago I woke up in the quiet of my home and suddenly realized that in that moment, I was perfectly content. I awoke with no aches or pains, a little cash in the bank and my bills paid. Everything I need, I have. I lay in bed a few minutes longer simply to relish the sound of quiet and the realization that my life is more than alright, it's darn near great.
Of course, I couldn't lay long. This is New York, and there's always work to be done. As I got up to prepare for a quick pre-work jog, another realization set in. For the first time in my life, I like me, physically. When I set out on the path to lose weight, getting to a magic number was never my aim. I had established milestones that mattered to me, but surprisingly, no magic number. My doctor had another idea. He did have a magic number -- 160 pounds.
He's a doctor, so what else could I do but accept his number. I've held that number in high esteem for three years. I have stepped on the scale a thousand times and watched in excitement as I get closer and closer to 160. Today, I am within 15 pounds of seeing it light up on the scale. All this time, I've waited for the day. I've never lost sight of the goal my doctor set. However, does the magic number supersede my current happiness about my physical self? Am I forced to continue on to my doctor's goal when I'm already satisfied?
If you were to ask my doctor, he would be adamant that 160 pounds is my ideal weight. He'd run off the stats about my BMI (body mass index) and all the reasons this number is golden. Ask me, and I will say that I'm fine right where I am. I'm not so sure that 160 is for me. I'm a size 12 on bottom and size 10 on top and have satisfied my final personal milestone. Thin was never my goal. I'm a southern girl, and hips and thighs do not offend me.
Being at opposite ends of the spectrum on my weight poses a serious conflict between the doctor and me. It also promotes an inner conflict. Do I stop where I am because I'm content or do I continue on to meet my doctor's goal? If I stop now, does that make me a failure? These are not questions I can answer today, but they are ones that I ponder. I look in the mirror and am pleased with my reflection. I am happy that I can run up subway stairs with ease, cross my legs and move about without pain. No doubt my doctor is the more knowledgeable party in the debate, but that doesn't matter. I am happy with me. I will continue on the weight-loss path but the importance of the number will still be in the background. Front and center will be happy and confident me, loving and embracing right where I am today.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
stillstruggling 5-13-2009 @ 12:43PM
I'm at the same point. My nutritionist wants me down another 6 lbs yet I'm a size 10 on the bottom and 12 on top (we could split a suit!!). I'm trying to focus on losing the last few but am more concerned with MAINTAINING!!
Reply
David Friedman 5-14-2009 @ 9:16AM
Hi,
Why don't you start a fitness building program and target your upper body. This will surely help you lose some pounds in the area that you want.
dfreed1014 http://www.fitnessbuilding.com
fitzness 5-13-2009 @ 1:37PM
You're a really great writer Karla. I enjoy your posts. Fitz
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u262f 5-13-2009 @ 3:58PM
Good for you! Congratulations!
As for the question, the answer isn't hard, really. I think this is where most people fail and go yoyo. They've set a "goal" to reach some magic number by some magic date, they work in an unsustainable manner to reach it, and when they get there, they forget their healthy habits and become unhealthy again. They would take a half year to lose 20 lbs to fit into a wedding dress, and then they just let themselves go after the wedding.
Fitness and health isn't about goals at all. It's not about getting somewhere or achieving something. It's about having sustainable ongoing healthy habits. It's about living well. People don't make goals to brush their teeth twice a day or shower every morning. It's just something that gets incorporated into our habits, and we notice we feel awful and smell bad if we don't do it. We don't freak out if we're sick and just don't get out of bed to brush our teeth. We just brush when we get the chance. We also don't stop brushing our teeth just because we've had one good dental checkup either.
People need to reach this healthy ongoing maintenance habit attitude with food and exercise as well. We shouldn't stop just because we reach some magic number on the scale or some magic goal date. We shouldn't freak out if we slip either; we should just get back on the habit at the next opportunity.
On one hand, yes, I think EVERYBODY needs to stop -- stop "losing weight". I don't think the weight-loss goals and attitudes are ever healthy. On the other hand, yes, people who don't shower and brush their teeth regularly enough ARE "losers" -- and so are people who regularly eat too much junk food and don't exercise. Stop trying to lose weight, but never stop engaging in healthy habits. "Losing weight" and "healthy habits" are two very different things -- and they often go opposite to each other. I think it would help people become healthier if they can tell the difference between the two.
Doctors need to stop telling people to lose weight. Those doctors don't understand what they're doing. I met a good doctor once. When I first met her, I self-consciously said, "I know I need to lose weight." She asked me why. I answered that my doctors have been saying so for years. She told me they're wrong and that these "ideal weight" numbers are made up from averaging people. Nobody's average. Of course, she recommends getting more exercise, eating vegetables, etc, but she has emphasized that it's good for me to keep doing those things even if the numbers on the scale never move. When I met her, my BMI was 31. Today, my BMI is 23, and while I keep track of my BMI now (because Wii Fit makes it fun), I listened to that doctor and never actually tried to make my weight go down. When I stuck to healthy habits, my body started finding the weight that I need to be all by itself. Weight is an incidental indicator of health, not a direct cause.
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Stephanie 5-14-2009 @ 10:53AM
I think its important that you just keep going, no matter what numbers show up. Your doctor is basing numbers on facts and experience, but YOU are not like everyone else! I think you look magnificent, and if you do make it to 160, that's great! But it's just a number, and if you're happy and active, that's all that really matters :)
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