Weight Loss - Will It Change Your Relationships?

by Maggie Vink (Subscribe to Maggie Vink's posts)
Mar 27th 2009 4:00PM

Categories: Diet & Weight Loss, Celebs & Entertainment

Many people who need to lose weight look at their goal weight like it's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As if, when they lose the weight, they'll have great self-esteem and better relationships, and life's stresses will magically be solved. Sound familiar?

Reaching a healthy weight is a positive thing. Your well-being, strength and energy will all be improved. What's more, by dropping excess pounds, you'll be reducing your risk of a host of chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol and type II diabetes.

But weight loss isn't the solution to all problems. In fact, the process of losing weight can affect relationships in both positive and negative ways.

Actor Seth Rogen slimmed down for his role in "The Green Hornet." He looks great, but even Rogen admits that the response to his weight loss hasn't been 100 percent positive. Rogen said, "I think for chubby guys, I was their guy so they were like, 'I can be chubby. Seth Rogen's chubby, so who cares.' But now I'm not so chubby anymore. So now they're like, 'I have to lose weight.' I've let them down. I've blatantly sold out."

When you're in the process of losing weight, you'll probably see a variety of reactions from friends and family. Some will be supportive of your efforts, but others maybe put out and will react in more negative ways. Your significant other, in particular, may have problems with your weight loss efforts.

I asked Dr. Jana Klauer, a New York-based physician and weight loss expert about the issue. Dr. Klauer said, "To witness change in a partner can be disrupting -- even if the change is necessary. Schedules can be disrupted if the person is getting up early to exercise. The partner not losing weight may think that the other is being a pain and high maintenance because they specify foods be prepared a certain way in restaurants."

Dr. Klauer continues, "There are some good parts of (weight loss) like being more attractive and having more energy for the partner -- but overall, I think it stresses the relationship."

If you're trying to lose weight and you've noticed friends, family members or your significant other responding in less than positive ways, try these tips:

Express your needs. Tell your friends and loved ones what you need from them. You can't expect them to support you in the ways you need without clearly expressing those needs. Be sure to be specific, stating your wishes like, "Please don't criticize or question the foods I'm eating, but I would appreciate it if you serve some diet-friendly foods when I visit."
Involve them in your new healthy habits. Dr. Klauer said, "I would urge exercising together, cooking together, taking a healthy vacation together -- making the new healthy lifestyle a joint effort."
Be patient. Just by nature, we all fill roles in the lives of our loved ones. As your habits, appearance and attitude change, your friends and family members may feel a bit threatened or worried. Go out of your way to spend quality time with those who are important to you and give them time to adjust.

Most of all, keep in mind the reasons why you want to lose weight. Ultimately, weight loss is a personal goal. You're taking strides to improve your health and well-being and that's worth all the effort. For many people, especially those who are severely overweight, weight loss isn't simply about calories. There's an emotional side to weight loss, too. It requires a hard and honest look at your relationship with food, and it requires dealing with underlying emotions or insecurities that may be hindering your quest for a healthy weight.

It stands to reason that your relationships might stumble a bit while you're making changes to your body and spirit. But don't chalk your relationships up as lost. Put in the effort to work through your changing relationships. Dr. Klauer says, "With work, (weight loss) can be a positive experience." And it can be. For you, your body and the connections you have with others.

If you've dieted or lost weight, did you ever notice a change in any of your relationships? How did you handle the change?

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Comments (4)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

u262f 3-28-2009 @ 9:07AM

My friends are wonderful people. All the ones I've known for over a decade have been treating me the same way as my BMI slowly went from 23 to over 30 and back down to 23 again.

For my part, I'm very mellow about my choices when I'm with them. I don't freak out if they want to go to a fast food joint, nor do I question their choices if they offer me rich desserts.

Furthermore, I would never ask a friend to serve "diet-friendly options" when I visit. Seriously, what has the world come to? How would you feel if someone asked you to please try to serve some caviar or fois gras when they visit you? There's no difference between the two: it's still asking people to serve other foods that they wouldn't normally have. Worse, not only is requesting "diet-friendly options" asking them to go out of their way, you're also passing judgment that the food they served isn't good enough for you (just like the person who asked for caviar is indicating that your food isn't sufficiently high-class for them). So, I'm not at all surprised that people who even think of making such requests are going to have problems with the people around them.

My friends and I have drastically different food preferences. If my friends and I get together for food, I simply bring what I like to eat -- plus enough for everybody to share, of course. They're not very into "rabbit food", so they also bring what they like to eat when I arrange the food. I enjoy a bit of their dishes (one of my friends is an excellent dessert chef) while they share a bit of mine. After all, sharing is what friends do.

Maggie Vink 4-09-2009 @ 10:52AM

Maybe my choice of words wasn't the best. But I know that when I was trying to lose weight a few years ago, I found it necessary to make sure there were foods I could enjoy when going out. For example, my sister had Easter at her house one year. I called to see if there was anything I could bring and she said that she had it pretty well covered. I insisted and said that I'd love to bring a vegetable dish or something. She said "Don't worry. I'm making broccoli casserole." My family's recipe for broccoli casserole is white rice, lots of cheese, some cream of mushroom soup, and a little broccoli. Calorie city. I finally had to just come out and explain that, because I was trying to watch my weight, it was necessary for me to have some choices that wouldn't tax my calories. She relented and let me bring two dishes to pass that were low-cal and tasty. I wasn't the only one who ate them, either. In fact, several people wanted to know how I prepared the asparagus. Having some diet-friendly choices on the table let me sample all of my other holiday favorites without worrying that I was going overboard.

Debbie 3-28-2009 @ 1:28PM

In the past two years I lost over 120 lbs. A friend of mine that I started dieting with only lasted the first two weeks with me and I kept going. She no where near had to loose the weight that I had to and today we no longer talk. I am unsure what happened, but it appears that we slowly drifted apart. A mutual friend of ours talked to her to ask her why we no longer talk anymore and her only reply was that I have changed since the weight loss. The changes that I see in myself are all positive. I am more outgoing now and want to do more social things with other people and I don't think these are bad things. However I don't want to go to unhealthy places with her to eat anymore. It hurts my feelings that she feels this way but I have associate with a different group of people now who are more outgoing and are willing to try different things. I guess this is probably a common story in massive weight loss.

cc 3-28-2009 @ 1:06PM

Well, i do think that it can change relationships for worse and better. I will give you a few examples. I had gained 55 pounds (turns out my thyroid broke) I have since gotten that under control and have been working my butt off for the last few months to get in shape. I have drop 40 pounds, and am feeling great. Though for a while my hubby was kinda pissy with me. I did not get it. This was for me and him and the kids. This was to get my old self back. I was gaining confidence everyday, very positive and loving life. Now he is not the jealous type at all (that is me), really he is not. I think what it was is that I was working out and he was not, so in the male mind that meant I was gonna get in shape and leave him or something. Stupid men. That was so not the motivation, but it does happen with some people. I had to let him know that I was doing this for all of us and just cause the outside changed did not mean the inside did. He is now loving the new/old me and taking full advantage of the wife he has back.
Now my mom on the other hand has always been big. She drinks like a fish and loves fatty cheese and salty snacks. She was small in high school, but let herself go after she had kids. I have a sister and she has always been big too. I was not big, I have long legs and aside from the broken thyroid have always been in top shape. Well her and my sis would always put me down in high school, "oh, looking a little chubby today..." Yeah at 120 pounds wet - silly. So then when I gained weight they kinda excepted me finally as one of their own. Then when I lost the weight, the stopped talking to me. I mean c'mon this is my own mom. Get over it. I am her daughter and I would think she would be happy for me, but that is not the case at all. It is almost like the 2 of them get horribly jealous and that hurts.

So you see weight changes can drastically change relationships for good or bad.