Dear Laura,

I am a newly divorced, 38 year old woman and have 3 kids, ages 13, 11 and 9. When my kids are with their Dad I end up just sitting at home instead of going out. I really do want to get on with my life and have fun. But I am really shy. I have gained weight, have low energy and even my skin isn't what it used to be. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Thanks.

Aida A. in Pennsylvania



Dear Aida,

Alrighty then. Well Aida, I am not exactly THE expert in not being shy because I actually am. Yes. Go figure. I have been in media for a long time, radio, TV, speaking and more but throw me into a situation where I am actually supposed to talk to people I don't know, like at a party or if I am out with friends and I am coaxed to speak to stranger, I freeze. I can certainly identify with having to deal with shyness. Even my daughter, who is sixteen, was absolutely beside herself when, a few years ago, we were at our local Whole Foods and a really handsome and friendly looking fellow was trying to get my attention. What did I do? I avoided making eye contact and scurried out of the store with my daughter asking me if I was out of my mind! Since then, after hearing my daughter tell the story over and over again to friends and family, I have attempted to conquer this perplexing "condition". In doing so, I have found a few tips to be helpful which you might find beneficial as well.How NOT to be shy Tips!

1. Being shy may be a biochemical issue. Some researchers have noted that oxytocin, the "love" hormone, may be deficient in those who are shy. Suggestions to elevate your oxytocin level are getting massages, have sex (and be sure to have an orgasm!), do breathing exercises or yoga, pet a dog and even eat a meal with a friend! Stimulate your oxytocin and you may not be as shy!

2. Extroverts are shy too! Everyone has been shy at some point so remember that! Did you know being shy has to do with how you feel others may be reacting to you, judging you or focusing upon your own perceived "negative" attributes! Be nicer to yourself and realize that not everyone is judging you. And if they are, well, then assume they are extraordinarily shallow and probably insecure themselves. Life is WAY too short to worry about what others think about you. More often then not most people are thinking about themselves... so relax!

3. I really like this list of 20 Ways to Attack Shyness. It's practical and really gives some great suggestions on how to overcome the condition of being shy. Being shy is causing you to stay home and not get out Aida! Sitting, snacking, feeling a bit sorry for yourself are just not good for you in the long run. Make a decision to get out and begin living! I know, easier said than done (remember I have problems with being shy too!) but make yourself explore, take risks and do things you have never done. Go to a movie by yourself. Take a day trip alone and enjoy the sights. Go to an art museum and immerse yourself in the artistic creations of others and tune in to how you feel! Join a club or a group that focuses upon something you are interested in. Before you know it, the shyness "veil" will begin to drop and you'll feel as if your life is expanding as you branch out! And you'll hopefully get healthier too!

In closing Aida, try to keep your stress level down, laugh every chance you can get, hug your dog and if you don't have one, get one, call friends you haven't talked to in a long time, connect and enjoy your life. After all...life is about living it to the fullest. Get out there and do it! And keep me posted!

Healthfully Yours,


Laura Lewis, Life Fit Expert, www.Thatsfit.com

P.S. One of the ways I recently was able to further positively deal with my shyness issues was when I was shooting my new television show, "Empty Nesters"! My producer, Hilary, booked me for all sorts of adventures where I had to face many of my fears! And I must say, it was a fantastic experience. I met some of the most interesting people and I even flew a cessna and I thought I had a fear of heights...and to my surprise, it was heavenly! What was the segment called where I did these things? "Seize the Day!" How appropriate. I want you to "seize the day" too!