Ask Laura! Infidelity! Is Monogamy Natural?

Dear Laura,

I aspire to live a balanced healthy life. I am a successful 29 year old woman who has a wonderful career. I workout, I eat right, I have wonderful friends and am basically satisfied with my life.Yet, I want to get married, but I am afraid of being with the same person romantically for the rest of my life! I feel that it is not natural to just "be" with the same person "forever." As a matter of fact, I was reading that monogamy is not natural. This is a big issue for me. I want to live a really great life. What do you think?

Signed,

Kathy G, Plano, Texas


Dear Kathy,

What an interesting question. As you know I preach living a "balanced, happy, and healthy life." And since I have a science background, I love contemplating the research associated with this subject. Is it natural for humans to be monogamous? I can honestly say, I don't know. How can we explain all of the infidelity occurring in our society? What exactly is going on with that?

Scientific researchers dedicated to studying human and animal behavior note one very interesting thing that occurs naturally when females go beyond their mate to "get it on" with others. Sarah Hrdy, Professor of Anthropology Emeritus at the University of California, Davis has studied this topic extensively and gave a very interesting keynote at the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study's first major symposium, entitled "Gender and Inquiry" in 2000. What was so interesting is that she studied the Langur monkeys of India and noticed that females who sought out dominant males of the "enemy" tribes and became pregnant with their offspring that ultimately it had to to with the survival of her offspring and ultimately her tribe! Hrdy discovered, that this infidelity of sorts has to do with the tendency of dominant males to kill babies that are not their own. Since dominant males are dethroned by rivals every 27 months or so, these infanticides are quite common, so common, in fact, that, if unchecked, they would be detrimental to the langurs as a species. But males from the opposing tribe during such an "attack" will recognize their own offspring and not kill them and hence, allow for the continuation of that specific gene pool. So polyandrous behavior, or mating with multiple males among the Langur monkeys, is actually a strategy that is deemed maternal and assists in survival of the species!

David P. Barash, one of the authors of The Myth of Mongamy found that the only species that had a zero percent chance of mating with another after a "commitment" was the Diplozoon paradoxum, a flatworm that lives in gills of freshwater fish. "Males and females meet each other as adolescents, and their bodies literally fuse together, whereupon they remain faithful until death."

How does that relate to my opinion on monogamy within the human experience? I always like to look at the scientific animal research as correlated to human behavior. Are we animals? Well, in a sense yes! We do have a primitive side to us that drives us if we let it. Yet, I feel a highly evolved human, who is spiritually connected to the divine in some way considering delving into "forbidden waters" must make the choice to either go the primitive route or to go the evolved, spiritually connected route! To choose to be with one mate is highly evolved. I am not sure what others think and feel but you know, with such a high rate of infidelity, that indeed, many factors need to be evaluated. So, with the wandering eye of both males and females of the human race is this related to the survival of a specific genetic pool? Actually, I am not sure. What do you think? What is an explanation for the high rate of infidelity in our society?

Thank you Kathy for your question! Feel free to write again!

Healthfully Yours,

Laura Lewis


For more information on healthy relationships check out AOL Body's Healthy Relationships section! Until next time!!