Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura,

I read your column on cheating. I want to confess that I have been the "other" woman not once but three times. You would think I would learn my lesson but I always end up falling for the guy who is already in a relationship with someone else. One guy was engaged and two other guys were married. Two of my affairs were over six months long, one for a little over a year. My last relationship was to a guy that had been married almost seven years and had two small kids at home with his wife. We would sneak away when he took business "trips" and sometimes those trips for him were no further than in my own apartment for a few days where would stay, make love, order food in, all the while he would check in with his wife. I really had this fantasy he would leave me for her. After about one year of listening to how he really didn't love his wife and that he would leaver her some day for me I realized it was never going to happen. That ended about three weeks ago and I am just sick to my stomach about it. I really want to fall in love and live happily ever after. How can I stop my "unavailable guy" habit?

Signed,


S. P. aka The "Other" Woman, NYC


Dear S.P.,

Since you asked me the question of how you might stop your destructive habit of being attracted to unavail men, in response I have a few questions for you. What are you gaining by being the "other woman"? Are you living for a dream? Are you so into power and control that this type of thing makes you feel more alive? These are serious questions. And the big question is how much time have you wasted being in dead-end relationships? You have dedicated quite a bit of time to these unavailable men. I am curious where you envision yourself in the future? Who will it be that you are spending time with in your later years in life?Here are a few things to contemplate:

• Wake Up! If you are really serious about "kicking the habit" then seek counseling. Your desire for someone who you cannot have must be based upon a deeper issue that you may not be aware of on a conscious level. Get conscious.
  
• Men Cheat For Reasons Different Than Women! If you think he is just in it for the romance, think again. The odds are high that he is not happy at home in the bedroom and you fill that void. Check out this link for more on this subject!
  
• Get a Life! How about pursuing new friendships that don't involve situations where you end up in the bedroom! Do you have any particular hobbies or interests? Join a club with those of similar interests. Begin painting. Redecorate your home. Write a book. Do something! Life is too short to waste it being preoccupied by a married or unavailable man.
• What Goes Around Comes Around! I am sure you've heard that one. In order to break yourself of this habit you need to "get real" about the situation. Often, those who have affairs are in the moment, not thinking about the consequences. Many lives may be devastated in the wake of your "conquests". Children who love their daddy, wives who used to be their high school sweetheart, families will be divided. Not a pretty picture. Just think, you could be the cause of all that devastation and better yet, if you end up marrying your unavail man, then what do you think the chances are that he will cheat on you? I would say pretty high!
• Are You a Love Addict? Here are 40 questions to help you determine if you are indeed, in the famous words of Robert Palmer, "Addicted to Love"! Guess what? It is not a healthy condition!
  

I appreciate your email and wish you the best of luck on your journey "back" to finding yourself. By the way, you can probably tell I am NOT a fan of infidelity however, it happens. This is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to being a more evolved human being. We may have our primitive instincts within us but becoming cognizant of the fact that we must keep our primitive feelings at bay leads us to a higher level of existence. This is one of the great challenges to being human. To learn to love, honor and respect others in the world and most importantly yourself is the ultimate goal.

Healthfully Yours,

Laura, Life Fit Expert

For more relationship advice go to AOL Body's Relationships link.