That's Fit

Life Fitness is a process of continuous growth: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Need motivation and guidance to facilitate positive changes in your life? Ask Life Fit Expert Laura

Dear Laura!

After being married for almost 9 years, my husband admitted to having an affair that has been going on for almost over a year. He told me he wanted to leave me for her. So, I recently filed for divorce and am devastated and depressed. I have used to work out four to five times a week and also always used to eat the right foods. Now, I could care less. I've gained almost ten pounds over the past month and am really having a hard time. I know I should get back in shape but I just can't get motivated. Any ideas on how to get back on track would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Theresa in Rochester, N.Y.

Dear Theresa,

The feeling of being betrayed can really "do a number" on your head and is likely to have an impact upon your self-esteem. And granted, it is normal to go through a period of grieving. Losing someone through divorce is similar to losing someone who has died. You still go through a similar range of emotions. Your lack of motivation is more than likely due to depression. When one says to another in marriage "Til death do us part" it literally means forever. However, I am here to tell you that nothing in life is guaranteed. Not even a piece of paper can guarantee that people won't make the wrong choices which may ultimately end their "forever" relationship.

To help you get back on track to being happy, healthy and fit here are a few thoughts to contemplate:

• A cheating spouse is not an emotionally healthy spouse. Did you know when people decide to "cheat" it is highly likely THEY have low self-esteem? A person with healthy self-esteem would more than likely not be cheating on their "forever" mate. If he or she had felt as if they had grown apart from their mate, then a mature discussion would ultimately take place, perhaps with the help of a therapist. Resolution of differences or even making a mutual decision to split is a much more healthy direction to go than cheating! Unfortunately, it sounds as if you really did not have that choice.

• Realize that what your husband did really is not about you. It's about him. You need to get real and recognize that you are a wonderful person, an individual who has value, who is likable and has much to give to others. A great thing you can do right now is to get out and begin to give to others in ways that makes YOU feel good. If all you have to give is your smile to the bank teller or the cashier at the grocery store, then so be it. You are still giving! Or get involved with a local charity, organization or church. Get out there and give!

• Think positive thoughts. When one is the betrayed spouse it is likely negative self-talk may occur. Thoughts such as "I'm not lovable" or "I'm not good enough" or " I don't deserve love" or "I am unattractive" or even "No one will ever love me again." Sound familiar? If so, stop the negative brain chatter. Begin to read motivational books or listen to motivational recordings. I love Wayne Dyer's book, The Power of Intention. I listened to his CD's during a very trying time in my life. I swear it was just the right thing I needed to hear in order to get me moving in a more positive direction. I have a whole library of these types of books, CD's and DVD's and use them purposely to get my "mind right" if I am feeling a unmotivated or "down." You should try it too!!

• Get a move on! When you don't work out, especially when you are depressed, you end up in a negative cycle of sorts. Don't you normally feel better after you exercise? It's due to the natural release of hormones and endorphins caused by working out. To get back into a healthy mindset again, make appointments with yourself to work out and don't break them! No matter what! You might even benefit by getting a friend to work out with you. Just get moving! You know the phrase "Just do it!"? Go for it!
  

• Stock up on healthy food. Get rid of any "comfort food" that may be high in calories and low in nutrients. High fiber, fresh vegetables and fruits, whole grains and lean proteins should become your dietary focus. Drink plenty of water. Eat at least three meals per day to stimulate your metabolism and try to avoid munching on foods less than two to three hours before you go to sleep!
  

• Get your rest! If you sleep seven or more hours each night, you'll not only be a healthier and happier person, you'll also be leaner! Studies show those that sleep less than seven hours are not as lean! It's another great way to keep yourself healthy! Plus you'll have more energy to work out!

• Here's an interesting fact: Women fare better after divorce than men. Did you know men are almost twice as likely to be depressed than women are after a divorce? Women have better support networks than men and know how to use them! Guys, be aware the odds are against you! So, if you find yourself in the midst of a divorce, you'll have to be extra proactive in order to get to a better mindset! Check out this article.
  

Theresa, I hope this helps! Taking just a few proactive steps in your life may help you get back on track. Just know, it does take time to heal your heart and it's okay. Be kind to yourself in the process, yet also be courageous, optimistic ... life does go on. And often our darkest days may often end up revealing wonderful gifts in our future. I know first hand! Just keep your eyes and heart open!

Healthfully Yours,

Laura

For more relationship advice check out AOL Body's Relationship content!