That's Fit

This month was pretty important for my little family; my son's adoption was finalized. I first started thinking about adoption nearly five years ago. Then, in the summer of 2005, I hosted a boy from Russia for the summer. I tried to adopt him, but before I was able to a Russian family took him in. Though I was heartbroken, I knew he was OK and I was happy that he was placed in a loving home in his homeland.

When the Russian adoption fell through, I decided to adopt from the US foster care system. It was hard switching gears, but I was excited and ready to try again. 10 months later I was matched with an energetic, funny, and athletic 10-year-old... my son. He moved in with me last June. The past 10 months have been the most challenging and rewarding months of my life. My son tests me daily, but he also stuns me with his resilience and wonderful qualities.

While things are sometimes harder than I expected, there is very little that we've gone through that I hadn't learned about through research or from my agency. One thing that that took me by surprise, however, was the depression I felt after first meeting my son and after he first came home. I had always thought post-adoption depression (PADS) was a bit of a myth. After all, there are no pregnancy hormones involved and, after finally adopting after a lot of effort (because very few adoptions process without tons of effort on everybody's part), how could you possibly feel depressed?

Psychologists often link post-partum depression not only with the hormones associated with pregnancy, but also with the major life changes and demands of caring for a new infant. Hormones aside, adoptive parents experience life changes that are just as big as birth parents. In my case, I didn't adopt an infant so you might think it's easier. In some ways it is. No dirty diapers and my kid sleeps through the night. But my son has a myriad of diagnoses related to prenatal exposure to drugs/alcohol, trauma, abuse, and neglect. And his conditions are not uncommon for kids who were raised in the foster care system or in an orphanage.

In addition, many adoptive parents deal with lingering pain about infertility and, if they developed a relationship with their child's birth mother and/or father, the adoptive parents may feel guilt knowing that the birth parents are likely heartbroken.

I was lucky because my adoption agency is wonderful. They recognized the signs of my mild depression and talked to me about it. At first I thought they were wrong, but slowly I came to realize it was true. Just knowing that PADS is a real, if not fully recognized, disorder made me feel better. I got through it. And my son? Well, he's the biggest blessing in my life. And there's nothing depressing about that.