Being blunt is a good thing, but how far should you go?

Years ago, when I was a slightly chubby pre-pubescent, I met the deaf sister of the friend. She signed 'hello', looked me over and then said something in sign language to my friend that I didn't understand. After a but of prodding, my friend fessed up; 'I didn't want to tell you this, but she said you'd be really pretty if you lost weight.' Ouch, huh? A few years later, I grew tall in a hurry and lost the baby fat--and then some. I was eating pretty sparingly at the time and while I didn't have an eating disorder, I probably wasn't far off. And I'm sure the comment didn't help -- I'm over it now but I have to admit, I sometimes still think about it as I eye myself up in the dressing room mirrors.

A while ago, I asked if it was better to be honestly blunt when it comes to talking about someone's weight. The results were pretty clear -- being blunt is better than being sweet (and fake.) But there are limits. Think about what you're saying -- it can make a lasting impression on someone's self confidence. Here are some tips:

• Don't use 'if' statements, like 'You'd be ______ if you lost weight.' It sounds so ... final.
  
• Focus on the positive. For instance, telling a self-conscious friend that she has amazing eyes might just make her day.
• Be tactful. If someone asks you the dreaded 'Do I look fat in this?', don't necessarily say yes--tell them it's okaaayyyyy but it's not nearly as nice as you think that red wrap dress will look.
  
• If you're going to be critical, offer helpful suggestions too. So, instead of just telling someone they need to lose weight, try signing up for a fitness class with them. And take your own advice -- if you tell someone to go on a diet, you should practice healthful eating yourself.

You don't have to lie to be nice--just be conscious of what you say, and the lasting impact it can have on someone's self-esteem.