Could you fall in love with a meat eater? Or a vegetarian?

Posted on Feb 15th 2008 9:50AM by Bethany Sanders

Filed Under: Vegetarian, Diet & Weight Loss, Motivation, Alternative & Green Health, Nutrition & Supplements

I married a man who has mad vacuuming skills and voluntarily scrubs down the bathtub, but who has no interest in cooking. In return for having all of his dinners cooked for him, he eats without complaint and especially likes it when I cook something new and unusual. It's fun to cook for someone who will try anything, even the mostly vegetarian meals I've been trying out lately (though if I threw a sirloin down in front of him, I think it would go over equally well).

So when I read this article from the NYT about food standing in the way of love, I had a hard time relating. A lot of the dietary changes I've made personally are for ethical reasons, but I can't imagine those choices causing a rift between my spouse and myself. Maybe I'm just not built to be hardcore, but it just seems like there are more important things to worry about in life than what my love is having for dinner.

On the other hand, we've been together for 10 years now. If I was a vegetarian or vegan and found new love with a habitual meat eater, would it give me pause? I guess I can't answer that question. What about you? Do you give a person's eating habits weight when considering a relationship with them?

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Tags: eating ethically, EatingEthically, ethical omnivore, EthicalOmnivore, living with a vegetarian, LivingWithAVegetarian, ominvore, vegetarian

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

rachel.smith 2-15-2008 @ 10:46AM

I could see how this could be a problem if the other person didnt approve or accept the other's decision. I am a vegetarian (I dont eat dairy usually but I do eat eggs from local farms) and my boyfriend is a meat eater. We have been together for 3 years and he accepts how passionate I am about being veg. If he did not, it could be a problem, I think it all depends on the person and how accepting they are.

nikkicookers 2-17-2008 @ 8:52PM

I totally agree. It would be a problem if one wanted to change the other. (Example, if one's a vegan and doesn't like the other eating meat).

nikki cook
http://fitconnect.com/lilnicky1234

Cat 2-15-2008 @ 11:13AM

I am a vegetarian and my BF eats primarily vegetarian...sometimes he will eat meat...but it is rare and I can accept it when he does. If he insisted on meat at every meal though, I'm afraid I wouldn't be with him at all...I feel that strongly about my diet!

tyler 2-15-2008 @ 5:57PM

I think a common misconception is that vegan (or vegetarian) is just a diet rather than a lifestyle choice or spiritual belief. It all really depends on the relationship. I love my husband but he LOVES mushrooms and eggplant (haha while i despise both!) but it doesn't bother me that his diet is different than my own (vegan). I would however have a hard time contributing my income to feeding him meat if that was his lifestyle choice (we're married and have one bank account) b/c i morally object to supporting that industry.

It really all depends. and i firmly believe goes further than mere diet choices.

Bethany Sanders 2-15-2008 @ 9:03PM

Great comment, Tyler. I just want to add that there are ways your partner could eat meat without supporting factory farm industry (local pastured animals, for instance). But I understand if that still goes too far for you.

Thanks for reading!

Bethany

bunny 2-16-2008 @ 3:29AM

I am a vegetarian. My husband is not. We agreed when we married that he would become vegetarian and I would join his religion. In short we compromised. I would recommend this agreement as it has worked for us for over 12 years.

Andrea 2-16-2008 @ 11:29AM

It is kind of the same as religion. Some people are happy to practice as they wish and let others do the same, but some feel the need to spread the message. I was vegetarian for years, starting around age 9. I have never dated a vegetarian- in my experience veg girls outnumber veg guys about 20:1. Now I eat fish and venison. My live-in boyfriend eats everything, but he also rarely cooks, so he only eats meat from a restaurant. He eats what I make when we're home.
I don't really have a problem with it. I want to respect his right to decide. I would draw the line at a certain point however: I'd never date a guy who didn't like animals or was cruel to them, and I'm not okay with veal or foie gras. It's different for everyone.

hiddenrunes 2-16-2008 @ 9:05AM

It really does depend on the type of person you are and the type of person you are with. My boyfriend is a meat eater and I am a 3 year vegetarian. I don't criticize him and out of consideration he has cut back his meat consumption drastically. I cook a lot of awesome vegetarian food that he loves so he doesn't feel the need for meat all the time. We have been going strong for 3 years now with never a diet conflict. It is all about being tolerant and loving someone for who they are regardless.

Whynn 2-16-2008 @ 10:17AM

I have nothing against people who wish to persue the vegan, vegetarian or what have you lifestyle but just like everything else, you shouldn't push your beliefs on other people. Which is what happened when I started dating a vegetarian. Things were fine at first, we had a good time, he knew I wasn't a vegetarian from the start but a couple months later he started going downhill. He would change my homepage to sites showing the food industry's 'brutality' and started picking at me for eating meat. So I told him I would try it outright to see it from his POV. (We had been living together and I was buying organic dairy and cooking vegetarian for him already) After a month, I decided that it wasn't for me. He got downright furious with me when I told him. He said he would never buy me anything with meat in it if we went out to eat together and he would get angy if he saw frozen hamburger pizzas in MY freezer.
I gave him the boot and vowed to never date a vegetarian again. Cheers to those that have made it work but it's just not as happily ever after from this side of the dinner plate.

alisamsinger 2-16-2008 @ 12:01PM

I definitely think that it depends on the reason one chooses to be vegetarian/vegan. For example, I am a vegetarian strictly for health reasons. Although I don't necessarily agree with the treatment of animals in the meat industry, that is not why I chose to become a vegetarian. Therefore, when my family, friends, and fiance eat meat, it does not bother me at all. As long as they don't knock my beliefs and decisions, I won't knock theirs.

Suzanne 2-16-2008 @ 12:52PM

My boyfriend is a vegetarian and I am a meat eater. We have been together for about five months and have yet to have a dietary conflict. We entered the relationship knowing about our different diets and we compromise.I do the majority of the cooking, which allows me to make vegetarian meals that appeal to me and cater to him. If I want a meaty meal, I make the meatless equivalent for him -- I get brats in beer, he gets meatless brats in beer; I get chicken nuggets, he gets chik'n nuggets.

When he does cook, he will make me meat if I request it. If we order a pizza, he has no problem with me getting meat on my half. We have a deal: I don't feed him meat and he doesn't feed me vegetables I dislike. I scan produced goods in the grocery store to make sure they don't include meat products -- chicken stock, animal fats, etc. I prefer to make all our meals from scratch so I know exactly what goes in them.

I think my boyfriend's vegetarianism stems from ethics and a lack of desire to eat meat, but he has never tried to "convert" me to vegetarianism. I do eat more meatless meals now that we're together, but he understands that sometimes, I just crave meat. I would never apologize for that and he doesn't expect it of me. I think it's disrespectful for people to demand their partners change their diets just to suit them; I wouldn't stick around with a guy who did that.

Okra 2-16-2008 @ 1:06PM

Since becoming vegetarian three years, over half of my girlfriends have been vegetarian. The interesting thing is, I don't find out they're vegetarian until I'm already dating them. Some of those dates/friends who weren't vegetarian have been very supportive of my lifestyle choice. In return, I don't try to shove my lifestyle or beliefs down their throats like some people. Let me eat what I want and refrain from eating what I want, and I'll let you do the same. The only problem I would see is kissing my SO and tasting meat breath, etc. That's something I would NOT like.

erik 2-16-2008 @ 1:43PM

I've been dating a vegetarian for almost 2 years now, at first it took me a little while to get used to that lifestyle, but now I find myself skipping the meat at meals and buying products that are not tested on animals... its all about understanding and respect.... a persons choice on what to eat is their choice and should not be looked at negatively.

Jessica 2-17-2008 @ 3:23AM

I have been a vegetarian for well over a year and am now leaning much closer to vegan. Like alisamsinger said above, I chose to go meatless for health reasons and have found it to be a very satisfying way of life, especially after learning of animal brutality in the food industry. I also do not push my views on the issue on others (though I will supply information if asked).
I really never thought my diet would become an issue in a relationship. I mostly dine out, which makes it easy for all parties to have what they like, but make some killer meatless meals most people enjoy if I need to cook. The issue arose in my last relationship not so much in the ethics or meat department (we compromised well and he was very open minded), but in the health and quality department. He was a sworn "junkie," actually consuming Twinkies, liters of sugar water (known as soda), and fried, greasy foods. Out of sheer convenience, I found myself more and more eating "meals" from fast food establishments (Burger Kind has a veggie burger) and plain garbage most of the time we ate together.
I quicky found myself putting on weight, loosing the glow I normally have in my skin, and feeling generally depressed. He noticed the change in me and I certainly didn't feel like myself anymore. Needless to say, we drifted apart. On the upside, since breaking up, I have gone back to my much healthier lifestyle, lost the gained weight, and feel balanced again. He and I have remained good friends.
I think it's vastly important for people to remember who they are outside a relationship in order to be happy IN one. Never compromise who you are and what makes you most comfortable, especially if it's a health issue, simply out of laziness!

Michelle Koen 2-18-2008 @ 7:19PM

I thought I'd add my story since it's an almost opposite of most above.
I was a vegetarian when I met my boyfriend (now of 5 1/2 yrs) and remained vego for a further 2 years after moving in with him (totally 10yrs v strict vego). He was brought up that a dinner wasn't a dinner without meat but was always accommodating to my diet and tried to cook interesting vego meals for me. Looking back on my diet then it was a terribly un-healthy vegetarian diet based on mainly pasta. I eventually decided that I might add some locally caught seafood into my diet and slowly reintroduced all meats with my justification being that I like good food too much!
A year later I took up weight training which has developed into a love of body building and for almost a year I was eating large quantities of meat and poultry (grass fed and free range). Lately I've been looking at developing a less meat dependant diet by incorporating more tempeh and beans into my diet and only 1 out of my 6 meals a day will have meat while still getting high levels of protein. Some nights dinner is vego, some nights we grill and we can choose our own meat/seafood/veg and sometimes there's nothing nicer than a good beef curry!

The most interesting thing is that since I started cooking with meat my boyfriend has become more adventurous in what he eats meaning he's more likely to eat 'weird' vegetarian food.

Our biggest compromise/changing of minds point is how we spend our money. He used to buy everything in large chain grocery stores, now he understands the impact on the environment and community of buying from farmers markets, local butchers and vegie shops and even makes a point of buying supermarket items from the independent supermarket.

Sometimes I think I'd like to go back to a full vegetarian diet and I probably will at some point, but I doubt I could ever fully convert him, but to me that doesn't matter. As long as he understands and respects my POV and the reasoning behind it then I don't think it's ever gonna be an issue.

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