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How to talk to your kids about sex

Posted on Jan 19th 2008 3:59PM by Brian White

Filed Under: Nutrition & Supplements

Confronting your pre-teens and teens about sex is a subject many parents tend to shy away from. Something that every kid will face -- from multiple individuals -- is the subject of sex. Why not have a heart-to-heart talk about it before then and get the information transfer completed? There's no reason not to do this.

So, let this be a New Year's reminder: time to sit your 12 year-old (or close to that age) on the couch and talk it out. Of course it's awkward -- but it's also required (my two cents). If there are personal reasons you don't want to open up about with a sex talk, remember: those can be put aside for the knowledge you're transferring to your child, step-child or even foster child.

These tips are some suggestions from various experts. How many of you recognize number two?

Tip No. 1: Start young and go slow -- inform early, but don't pour out too much detail
Tip No. 2: Never use pet names for body parts -- jettison the "woo woo," "wee wee" and other cutesy or non-descriptive names
Tip No. 3: View current events as an opportunity -- as in, when the media brings the question of teenage pregnancy up (as in what happens daily from my perspective)
Tip No. 4: Don't use yourself as the example - -this goes without saying
Tip No. 5: Talk about the different types of sex -- yes, talk about more than plain intercourse
Tip No. 6: Don't leave anything out -- including the touchy subjects of masturbation and sexual fantasy

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Tags: adolescent, kids, puberty, sex, teen sex, TeenSex

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Andrea 1-19-2008 @ 5:58PM

I'm all for talking to kids about sex. There's no down-side to this. They need to know about it. It is just another form of education that will make them smarter and more capable of dealing with the world.
Where I disagree is when to start. Twelve?? I remember junior high pretty clearly, and a LOT of twelve year olds are already having sex. Girls are going through puberty earlier and earlier, and pretending that this isn't happening doesn't do any good.
I also think that some sex discussion needs to begin as soon as the child is capable of understanding- I'm thinking toddlers. NO, you don't have to tell a 3 year old that some have foot fetishes, but you do need to tell him/her that adults have sex, and use these parts to do it. That way you can help protect your child from child molestation, or at least figure it out early if it happens. They should KNOW that it is wrong for someone to touch them there, and many of the victims didn't realize this was inappropriate.
Knowledge is a powerful tool, and if the dialogue is opened early it will be easier to talk about it later, in the loss of virginity/teen pregnancy years. I bet a lot of 35 year old grandmothers wish they'd talked about it with their daughters.
One final nugget: From my joke of a sex ed class (8th grade) the only thing I remember- because it was the only thing I didn't know already- is that there was a 21 year old grandmother in Texas at that time. You still think 12 is early enough?