Forget willpower, find a mentor

Willpower may have nothing to do with your inability to lose weight or stick with that elusive fitness routine. According to Alan Deutschman, author of Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change at Work and in Life, willpower is not so important when it comes to the actual mechanism for change. What's important is finding a relationship with a person or group skilled at showing you the way. It can't be just any relationship, though. It has to be an emotional one with someone who inspires hope and belief, someone who makes you say, "If she can do it, so can I."

Think about the high-powered executive told by his doctor he'll suffer a heart attack if he doesn't switch to a low-fat diet and take up yoga and meditation. Left to his own devices, this man, like nine of out 10 who won't do a thing to change his lifestyle, will ignore medical advice even though the stakes couldn't be higher. But put him in a group setting with others just like him and when he sees his peers eating veggies and chanting yoga speak, he'll do it too. And he's likely to stick with his new ways after a little practice.

The message here is this: If there's something you wish to change but feel stuck, seek out others who intrigue you and make you want to alter your behaviors. Form a relationship with these people and most important, learn from it. Forget willpower, my friends. Find a mentor instead.