Do men prefer thin women?

by Martha Edwards (Subscribe to Martha Edwards's posts)
Nov 16th 2007 11:05PM

Categories: Healthy Relationships, Motivation

The world is hard on people who are overweight. For every supportive, kind person, there seems to be 12 who are more than willing to stare you down or make some snide remark about you not missing many meals. So it's only natural assume that you'd be more attractive to the opposite sex if you weighed less. eDiets recently addressed this issue. Their verdict? Thin is still in but there are more attractive qualities out there.

I couldn't agree more--I know it sounds cliche, but confidence is more attractive than thin, and having bones stick out never looks good. Voluptuous Catherine Zeta Jones beats out skeletal Angelina Jolie any day in my books.

What is it about the opposite sex that attracts you? Is 'thin' in?

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Comments (109)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 6)

Olive 1-25-2008 @ 3:50PM

Overweight people are the only one to receive snide comments? I think not. Culturally, I think everyone understands that it's unacceptably rude to make fun of someone for being fat, but there have been countless number of times where my thinness has become fodder for group conversation, quickly followed by the obligatory accusations of an eating disorder. I do not have men flocking to me and praising me because of my thinness, in fact several have made it very clear that I am in fact "too skinny" for them to consider attractive, which is male code for my breasts are too small.

Even this site disparaged Angelina Jolie's attractiveness because of her thinness. Have you seen her brother? They both have a similar lanky body type so I'm assuming it's natural, yet apparently it is still completely unacceptable. I honestly have never understood why people can identify more readily with a "curvy" woman like Marilyn Monroe (whose measurements were documented by her dressmaker at one point to be 35-22-35) or in the case of this article, Catherine Zeta Jones vs. someone who is proportionally thin all over.

Is Marilyn Monroe's body type and impossibly tiny waist somehow more attainable to the average person? A woman being thin but having a sizeable chest and bottom are probably even rarer than being thin allover, so I don't know which should be considered more unrealistic.

To be honest, I don't even notice when people are overweight anymore it has become so normal and commonplace. I just think they look "normal". If I gave rude looks and made snide comments to every overweight person I saw in the course of a day, I wouldn't have time to do anything else. It's so much more rare to come across a thin person these days than a big person, and when people do you can bet that someone is telling them or has told them some variation of "eat a cheeseburger" or "real women have curves" or the tried and true "you look like a 12 year old boy". I read "women weren't made to be that skinny". Oh really? Tell that to the 1/2 pound Hershey bar that I just finished eating. yum-o.

Judith 2-06-2008 @ 2:12PM

I have always struggled with my weight. Familiar story right? My younger sister fluctuates between a sickly size 4 to a healthy size 8 depending on her moods. I on the other hand, come from the other half of the family where an unhealthy 250+ pounds takes the vote. Although I am on neither extreme, I have always fluctuated between a toned size 16 and a flabby size 24.

In my career and in life I consider myself a fun, sophisticated, confident person despite my weight, however, everything I have always felt self-conscious about came to light when I moved to South Korea. I am presently here on assignment and have never been more confronted with my weight than anywhere else in the world. It's a culture dominated by a constant health craze that is slowly changing with the ever popular 24 hour McDonald's chain. In the meantime however, not a day goes by where I am confronted by random women on the street telling me in English and Korean that I am too fat and need to lose weight. I've never taken so many hits to my self-esteem. I once went to the doctor due to gallbladder problems and was told via a translator that the doctor couldn't find my gallbladder because I was too fat. He told me to lose weight and maybe he would have a chance at finding it. I was a size 22 at that point. Through walking, the Korean diet which consists mainly of soy products and veggies and not owning a car, I am constantly walking. I am presently bordering on an 18 but carry it like a 16. I'm still too fat for Korean society but this experience has forced me to face my demons regarding my weight and made recognize the good things about myself. I have accepted that I will probably always struggle with my weight, but that now I really love who I am. I thought I had before but after confronting this head on I realized how I shouldn't try to please anyone other than myself. Not to mention, that with a lot of hard work and this continued Korean way of living, I am hoping to regain my size 16 self.

Stella 11-18-2007 @ 12:22PM

I am fluffy, not obese..so I can go there..but I can go here...yes, of course, even I am attractive to men who are "average" which means not too fat or not too thin. At first that is..then I get to know them..That tells the REAL story.

What ever you look like, has nothing to do with what kind of human or sub-human you are. Once a person shows their true self do they shine or sink.

Looks fade, personality is the key. Of course this only applies to mature individuals. I think it has a lot to do with how you are raised too. You might have an obese Aunt or Uncle, but you would never say anything hurtful to them, at least I hope. You would treat them with respect, as you should anyone else that deserves it.

Saying that, this world is way screwed up.
That is my story and I'm sticking with it.

Frederick 11-26-2007 @ 9:14AM

What the author of this article thinks about Catherine Zeta Jones and Angelina Jolie is moot in context of the article being that she is not a man. Nor do I think that anyone really thinks Catherine Zeta Jones is "fluffy" like the soft office bodies women who discuss this stuff have. I like being active. Its not fun being with someone who doesn't push me and have me try to keep up with her sometimes.

Stringer Bell 11-26-2007 @ 2:56PM

I've been out with really hot girls who are thin and some with meat on their bones. I tend to prefer the thinner girls as far as looks, but often it's the bigger ones who are more fun and have more personality. With that being said, I'm still more attracted to a thinner woman, which is the main topic of this post.

nita 11-26-2007 @ 9:53AM

It is hard living in a world that looks down on you if you not a size 6... but the truth is most women wear size 10 or up... because of Hollywood and all the skinny stars the focus is on thin.. but the truth is that thin can be just as bad as the opposite! but people fail to mention that!!! I myself am a plus size person... I have struggled all my life with my self image and weight... my mom has always been a diet addict living from one grapefruit diet to the next... alway's beating me down about my size with negative comments... she was very skinny herself as a young person.. and suffered many health problems... my dad on the other is a large person... not fat!!... large... there is a difference... lets face it some people are just made bigger!!! That DOES NOT mean that we are unhealthy!! regardless of what most people say... I am a VERY active person, I have seen skinny people that are in half the shape I am and I am big... I have come to love who I am... no.. that doesn't mean that there are day's that I look in the mirror and I struggle with myself... but the I focus of the more important things... like um.. well hello! Life : )
society really needs to wake up and stop critsizing plus sized people like us...

I mean... look at Keira Nightly just one of many actresses who are ghostly thin.. that girl would be beautiful if she would actually eat something but what can she say... "oh, I am so great look at my bones protruding from my skin.. that is so sexy." Ha, ha right... Ladies God have us curves for a reason... let's keep them that way and not diet them away!!

Sam 11-27-2007 @ 10:37AM

I like thinner girls. I have friends that are attracted to girls with a litttle more meat on them. In part, its a matter of taste. Girls, please dont starve yourself. Don't kid yourself either. Fat is ugly on either gender, as is the lack of motivation to remove it and the self-deception to think it's attractive. We are a fat nation of people and this type of feel good "fluffy" article probably does more harm than it does good.

DeeDee 11-26-2007 @ 11:12AM

I have lived on both sides of the fence. 2 years ago, I was thin and a knockout. I found and moved up in jobs faster, I was in the lime light of parties and clubs, there were men eager to take me out... and then I hopped the fence. After a horribly complicated pregnancy, and multiple surgeries... I was left with a body that was almost twice what I was before. I do lovemyself, and although you can give me a full body makeover any day of the week... I wouldn't change me for anything. Now, I'm not obese, but there are parts I would GLADLY remove/reduce. However, the difference that I have experienced in how people look and treat you is absolutely crazy. I am very self conscious when I go out to eat... people really like to see what the fat girl is going to order. I definitely don't turn heads when I walk down the street, and I don't get all of the "friendly" conversations that I used to get by man or woman. Its a given that I don't club hop or party like I used to, I am most definite that I would see a change there (no more free drinks and dinner invitations!). But the most effected area has been my career. In a male dominated environment, the promotions come slower, I have to work harder that I used to to get my point across, there is less validity to my ideas, and I don't seem to be invited to the company meetings with clients as often as I would have been. I am not less smart or ambitious becks I gained weight. However, larger people are looked at as sluggish, not well kept, and generally sloppy. If this is how it is in my corner of the world, I would really hate to see how it is on the "mean streets of Hollywood". The truth is that no matter who you are or how confidant you are, looks make the first impression. No one wants a fat girl on their arm or representing their company. Thin IS in, and until society changes that... the thinner you are, the better. Who cares if you have to stick your finger down your throat? At least you fit into that size 0!!

Carl 12-03-2007 @ 4:42PM

Thinner girls will allways look more attractive then larger girls, this applies to Men aswell as Women. Everyone is different though and has different tastes, What ever tickles your Pickle! :D

Solveig28 12-31-2007 @ 2:19PM

Even if they're horrible people Carl or unable to string a sentence together/talk about subject matter beyond how fat they feel and what celebrities are doing/wearing.
Fact is, you can't have a relationship with a photograph and, ultimately, for those people who actually want real human relationships, personality counts for attractiveness far more in the long term than being thin ever does. That is the relationship part - the real part! Thin people are not always more attractive than big people. My boyfriend and I are living proof of that. He is tall and thin, anglo saxon white male, I am short plump dark haired mediterranean looking but with fair skin. Yet despite the fact that I am big and 7 years younger than him I have had 2 boyfriends before him and no shortage of male attention regardless of my size. I have been stopped on the street in broad daylight and asked for my number countless times, one of my exes was extremely handsome but sadly not a particularly nice person (hence ex!) The male attention hasn;t stopped even though I am not single! Yet for him, I was his first girlfriend and the most he had done before he met me was a teenage snog. HE WAS 35 when I met him! What's happening there? He's not unattractive either, his look is boyish, cute boy next door type and he looks younger than he is. If media images are to be believed I would have been the virgin and he would have been the one with all the attention and experience right? A hollywood movie script would have us that way round and you know it would! So come on, tell me that thin people are always going to be more attractive than fat people?
Media sterotypes do not reflect reality hon! If people with your opinion spent more time in the real world connecting maturely and intelligently with real human beings and less time with your nose in glossy magazines and glued to MTV you would realise that!

Kristen 11-26-2007 @ 11:20AM

Wow.. I almost feel like I was supposed to read that last comment from Nita. I’m still in high school and it sounds like I’m going through the exact same thing. My mom, who is thin but not extremely, is always pressuring me to diet, talking about how fat SHE looks, and telling me about how when she was my age, she didn’t even weigh 100lbs. She’s not a bad person; She just doesn’t understand how her comments are effecting me… And my dad is a big man (6ft. 4in. To be exact) and he’s not “fat”… he’s more on the average side , unlike his sisters who are all well into the plus sizes… That’s another thing my mom says… “If you don’t start loosing now, you’ll look like your aunts some day” , which I usually disregard because I love my aunts, no matter what they look like… But the thing is I’m not really that overweight, because I take after my dad… I’m 5ft. 11in. and I wear a size 16! And I love my curves and the way I look, but it’s hard when I’m getting constant criticism.

But back to the subject of this post… I’ve never had any problems with dating because of my size.. But I’m still an attractive person (long, curly auburn hair… blue eyes.. good skin… dimples… you get the picture).. And even though relationships are usually initiated because of a person’s looks, if the two people don’t love each other’s personalities, then it’s not going to work! But on the flip side of that, if, for example, a guy loves a girl’s personality, but not the way she looks, 1. He’s an idiot and not worth the girl’s time, & 2. IT WON’T WORK! But, like I said, I’m still in high school, so I haven’t really experienced how life on my own might be like…Lucky for me, I have the perfect boyfriend now.. =] He’s 6ft. 7in. (not even kidding!) and he’s one of the most amazing people I know! It’s like… he’s one of few people I know that I’m truly, 100% comfortable being myself with, and he’s kind of my best friend. He’s even going to Bible college when he graduates to be a youth minister… So… yeah… the guy out there worth pursuing a relationship with isn’t going to care about that number on the jeans you just bought… He’ll care about who you are and what you want in life… And, in the long run, we’ll all get old and fat later anyways… All the stupid diets, pricy exercise equipment, and tummy tucks in the world aren’t going to change that… So get used to it!

Loren 11-26-2007 @ 12:14PM

Listen guys. I cannot believe some of the things the men posted here. I have struggled with an eating disorder for a very long time and have just managed to get myself to a healthy weight where i have my period again. People dont realize that a healthy weight, for women, means you need meat...estrogen is produced in fat and without that you can't get your period which causes seirous health problems and the inability to bear children. A study of the manequins ifound in stores showed that if these were real women they would not have their period. Listen ladies, as hard as it can be, God made you the way you are, your body knows what you need and how much of it so just treat your body well and you will be beautiful!

David 11-26-2007 @ 11:48PM

Why does everyone think that there is something wrong with thin being considered a good thing? Why is it bad that hollywood presents being in good shape as a positive feature. Sure, anorexic supermodels are not the best role models, but those of you who are acting as if every skinny person in hollywood is anorexic are just making excuses. Most actors/actresses have intense regular exercise routines and eat healthy foods. That is a good role model and if all americans did that we would not only look/feel better about ourselves, but we would also have much fewer health problems. People were never 'naturally' obese until the past 20 years in america. Just because most of our society has bad health habits doesn't mean that being obese (and yes I said obese as 25% of americans now are) not just fat. People look down on those over size 6 (most who are really over 10) because they are glutenous. I'm not saying that to be mean, but to smack a little reality into people. I gain weight easily if I eat badly myself... so I run an hour a day if I have to and try to eat healthier until my weight is back in line with what it should be. There is no reason anyone else can't do that (with the exception of those who are physically handicapped).

Laura 11-26-2007 @ 12:49PM

Number 3... You started out by saying that the world looks down on your if you're not a size 6. I beg to differ. I AM a size 6 and I get comments from people all the time about how I should lose weight.. and I am 5'8" tall. I weigh 130 lbs.. I wouldn't say that's fat, but it's still 20 pounds heavier than I was a few years ago when I was anorexic. You wouldn't believe the difference in people's attitudes toward me. When I was thin I was complimented constantly, given things, people went out of their way to hold doors for me.... Now that I am "normal" in a size 6 I am ignored, included in the "we need to diet" conversations in the office, comments are made about the amount of food I'm eating... For example.. at Thanksgiving dinner I took MAYBE two bites worth of cherry pie TOTAL after eating a relatively small plate of food and my grandfather (who happens to be overweight) said "I can tell you're not watching your figure anymore. Should you really be eating that?" He also referred to me as a "load" a bit later in the day.

If I'm getting this sort of treatment at my size I can't imagine what the bigger girls are getting. I also want to bring up the issue of the double standard. Why is it perfectly fine for men to be overweight but women have to be UNDERWEIGHT to be attractive? Not just "not fat" but literally underweight! Look at a lot of sitcoms.. the men are big fat doofuses and the women are stick-thin and "perfect".. and if they put on any weight their jobs are threatened (King of Queens).

Anyway, I don't know ANY men who prefer bigger women. In fact, when they're being honest, they will always admit the thinner the better. It's been said that the reason men prefer thinner women is because underweight women resemble a legal version of pre-pubescent girls and men all have a subconscious (and sometimes conscious) desire to have sex with children. Another reason they prefer blondes. Pretty sad when you think of it that way, isn't it?

Ashlee 11-26-2007 @ 1:06PM

All of my life I have grown up with a family of "picture-perfects", my sister is a size 0, my mom is a 2 and my dad is fit and works out constantly. Because of societies pressure to be thin, I would always look at my family and become acutely aware of how I just didn't fit in with them. I'm a bigger-boned girl, I'm a size 14 and at my smallest was a 10. I can't believe when I look at the scale how much I weigh, because I don't feel that I look that way at ALL. I look in the mirror and see a sexy, beautiful girl with the whole world ahead of her. After reading some of the comments for this article by men talking about how they prefer skinny girls I almost feel like I'm missing something when I look in the mirror. Is there some way I should be looking, that I should see this Fat girl?

I've always been told that I'm gorgeous, but I could afford to lose some weight, and all of my life I've been battling with my weight and trying to be health-conscious. Now that I'm away at college I'm shocked by how little I care anymore. I have 3 gorgeous, thin roommates, but rather than feeling like I'm fat and drab next to them, I feel like I can appreciate their beauty and accept that mine is my own.

If some guy doesn't want to be with me because I am average than he's a jerk who I don't need to waste my time with. And neither should any of you! Guys wake up! The average woman today is a size 12-14... the average guy is probably a lot bigger than that!

eric 11-26-2007 @ 1:08PM

fat is not attractive. however, neither is being overly thin. i am an athletic six foot tall twenty year old male. I am more attracted to personality than looks. Having a full face is more attractive then seeing bones poking out. Girls, more importantly then anything else, find someone who is attracted to your personality. dont lose weight to impress someone. if you want to lose weight, more power to you...but do it for your self esteem and health, not just to impress

Laura 11-26-2007 @ 1:16PM

Ok.... Everyone has differant taste, I think we can all agree on that... But when I read that someone is more 'attracted' to thinner girls but find heavier ones more fun and have a better personality, I have to think that maybe there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed in his life... Please don't blame the woman's body for your lack of self-esteem or identity issues...

Sarah 11-26-2007 @ 10:46PM

here's my deal as a naturally thin woman. "bone thin" isn't sexy. "grotesquely overweight" isn't either. natural is. but natural doesn't mean you can stuff your face with 5 abnormally large meals a day and call it "the way you are". oh no. everyone has responsiblity for the way they look. if you don't like it. change it. don't complain. i am soooooooo freaking sick of hearing girls that are fat and refuse to do something about it, (or declare that they need to go on a diet while they stuff a big mac down thier throats) and then complain about how they are wearing a size 16. at least you can find pants in you size! try being a zero without the ability to put on weight then getting sick and dropping down to 80lbs and having people ask you if you have an eating disorder!

i don't have and eating disorder. never have never will, i like food too much. i eat! you have control over who you want to be and how you want to look for the most part. i do know a girl it went the other way, she got sick and got bigger because of her medication. but she got it under control and i did too. stop freaking complaining because there are skinnier girls out there and guys like it. just be healthy and who you are, there are guys out there who like big chests no matter what the waistline, and guys out there who do like big girls. but it is the big girls who are confident with who they are that get the attention.

One woman made a comment about how her promotions come slower and crap like that because she is no longer skinny. i highly doubt that, it is simply because you are uncomfortable in your body and it shows. if you don't like yourself then why should anyone else like you or trust you? my one friend is no where near skinny, quite simply, she is overweight and she gets the guys, the free drinks, the promotions, and gets to hang out back stage at every concert we go to. so does my other overweight friend, she gets the guys and the free drinks... why? because they like themselves completely and are confident. i know another woman who is not kind of overweight, she is grotesquely overweight, and i have never met a person who got so many promotions, every other week she is promoted or gets a bonus, or a gift. she is a hard worker that's why and (i bet you know what i am going to say) she is confident!!! stop focusing on what you look like, or the number on the scale, that is what a doctor is for, and focus on how you portray yourself, how you stand (good posture?), how you hold your head (face up?), how you walk (sure steps?), do you exude confidence? if you are confident in yourself then other people are comfortable being confident in you, and find you sexy. there are some flat out ugly people out there who seem sexy because of how they carry themselves.

and don't tell me that i don't understand. being too skinny is not always fun and games depite popular belief. i didn't have guys in line to date me. i was cute but i had no freaking confidence in myself. see the trend? now i have had tons of boyfriends, free drinks, and parties. because i like me! and i am told i am sexy all the time. it has nothing to do with my weight. when i was 80lbs a few months ago, i was sick, in an abusive realtionship and lost a lot of confidence in myself, no one hit on me during that time. now that i got rid of the abusive p.o.s. and got my confidence and 15lbs back (and still gaining) i have a great and hot boyfriend, guys hitting on me left and right, free drinks and parties. weight is an unrelated factor as long as YOU like YOU! if you don't, drop off the dating scene now because you'll never get a guy. i am "too" skinny, i can't find clothes that fit right and i am not more than a 'b' cup (only a little clevage) but i don't complain i put on a belt, and a push up bra and go on with my life.

chrissie 11-26-2007 @ 1:58PM

A few years ago my sister was sent to an eating disorder clinic because she was 5'7" and under 100 lbs. I remeber looking at her and wondering how she could possibly think she looked good. her head (with her huge porn star hair) was twice the size of her body. I thought she looked like a bobble head. Much time has gone by since then, I myself have gained about twenty pounds now 5'9" and 140 lbs, and my sister gained enough to be healthy, and even create a healthy baby. She had a baby about six months ago, the woman looks amazing. some people say too thin but i can't help but burn with envy everytime i see her. I just don't understand how she popped out a child and looks better than me six months later... the pressure of this on me has gotten me to the point where all i can think about is loosing wieght yet all i can do is eat crap. The more i wanna lose, the more i wanna eat. Back then i never understood why she did the things she did to be skinny and now i find myself doing them. I want to stop but i can't, it gets easier and easier to do everytime. And after reading these comments i looked back to when i was 5'9" and 120 lbs. an these women are right... i don't get half as much attention now.. and I AM NOT FAT. i just wish i was thinner.

Bran 11-26-2007 @ 2:02PM

It's somewhat unrelated to the topic, but the unfair comment about Keira Knightly irritated me; she's hardly my favorite actress, but she constantly complains about how she can't seem to gain any weight, she doesn't prattle on about how she loves to be thin.

As far as the actual discussion goes, thin is actually a huge fad that started some time after the Renaissance era, it seems like, and is only lasting so long because it's perpetuated by the media. I'm sure lots of people like thin people, but being 'thin' is one thing and only one characteristic. You can be thin and lazy, thin and inactive, thin and athletic, thin and healthy; the same works for anyone who is 'fat' or overweight.

I'm a plus sized girl myself and hardly as active as I should be, but I always get a healthy diagnosis from my doctor and, of all the people I know, I am one of the strongest and most flexible. I don't blame my physique or genetics overmuch for my appearance, either, though it does create a bad platform for me to start on in the first place. I was born 'solid', as my mother puts it, with an hourglass figure (making my shoulders a bit wide to match my hips), a dense bone structure ('I have big bones!'), and a natural inclination to be a touch more on the heavyset side (I take after my dad's mother). Nonetheless, I've had guys that are crazy about me, and I found out that, with minimal effort, I can drop weight pretty easily. I know that the reason I'm overweight is largely due to a lack of self-control - I love sweets. I don't really blame my gene pool for that.

Ultimately, I think people need to start recognizing that being overweight doesn't make someone automatically unattractive or attractive, and the same with being thin. There aren't any simple answers, there's always the matter of perspective, and you can't make a generalized comment about what guys really do or don't like. Some guys are furries, for goodness sake. I think the most unhealthy 'thin is in' fact is that the media clings to it like crazy. Frankly, I think it's borderline pushing pedophilia from some of the 'attractive' people they've shown off. There's a store in New Hampshire I walked past where the mannequins in the window literally looked like ten year old girls, almost, and they had them dressed in nothing more than underwear, since it was a womens' clothing store. That's when things start to get a little odd.

I guess this rambling statement ends on the point that this article is likely more to try and give people either a false hope or just to try and come across as knowledgeable about something that isn't so easy to gauge. Fat isn't just fat, thin isn't just thin, and I think people should stop criticizing either one, when kept to moderation. So long as someone's healthy, that should be all that matters.