Nobody wins when kids are bullied

The linked article gave some of the worst advice I've ever seen about bullying.

"Avoidance is often an excellent strategy."
"Play in a different place way from those bothering you."

This is ineffective at best, impossible at worst. A child does not have the option of leaving the schoolyard whenever they want, and they're going to have to be in the same school with the bully every day for months, possibly years. Avoidance is not a viable strategy!

Besides, why should the victim be the one who has to be separated from the group? Once separated, the victim is even more obviously an outsider from the popular social circle, and subject to further ostracism from other bullies.

The bully should be the one who is pulled aside, into a teacher's or counselor's office, and kept there while they're made to understand that their behavior is unacceptable.

"Teach how your child can use humor."

In other words, don't take bullying seriously. Instead, laugh at it. Be a clown.

This might win the child some short-term approval but over the long-term the victim needs to be taught empowering behaviors, like how to stick up for themselves, and how to seek the assistance of authority figures when they need it. They should not be taught that the best way to deal with victimization is to get people to laugh at them.

"‘Out-crazy’ them."

Absolutely not. In children, this might be cute, but as those children become teenagers, "out-crazy"-ing behaviors can escalate. First they might take the form of acting out, like drawing scenes of violence in a notebook where other people can see. They can escalate into more dramatic demonstrations of violent or antisocial tendencies like cruelty to animals, self-injury, or drug abuse. In the worst situations this can turn into acts of violence committed against other students.

Kids should not be encouraged to "act crazy" to be noticed.

"Do not confront the bully or the bullies’ family."

So we're not supposed to teach the victimizer that their behavior is wrong? So they will bully one victim after the next until adulthood... or even into adulthood?

We need to start treating bullying for what it is: a form of abuse. As the article says, bullies tend to be more popular than their victims. It's not mentioned in the article, but they also tend to be older.

On the schoolyard, the older, more popular child has power over the younger less popular one. Bullying is a situation where one person has power over another person and uses it in a cruel or demeaning way. When that happens in the context of a marriage or a workplace, we call it abuse.

So let's start calling it what it is and dealing with it accordingly. Bullies are abusers. It doesn't matter if they're 9 years old or 39 years old. Abusers need to be separated from their victims, isolated from social contact if necessary, punished appropriately, and provided education or counseling to teach them how and why their behavior is unacceptable.

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