Jogging for Normal People: Please Give Me Relationship Advice
I jog alone. Not in groups, not in pairs, and only barely in public -- running late enough at night that I can avoid the casual pedestrian.
Last night I was reminded why -- as my iPod's batteries ran out, and I was forced to listen to the sounds of my labored breathing and last-push vocalizations (think of the sound Bruce Lee made in his movies, mixed with wheezing). It's one thing to admit that I suck to thousands of strangers, but forcing to own up to that embarrassment in real life, in real time, is more than I can stomach.
Nevertheless, my girlfriend is dying to run with me. She thinks it'd be good togetherness time (which is crazy, because as I described above, I'm too busy concentrating to staying alive to socialize). Every time I say no she gets disappointed and takes the denial as some kind of personal rejection.
Now, before we go any further, I respectfully ask that you keep this quiet. While I'm perfectly comfortable spilling my guys to the Internets, the foibles of my relationship are generally off-limits. However, due to the growing seriousness of this dilemma, I'm breaking our unspoken vow of silence, and airing our dirty laundry for all to see. I need help. I need a solution. I need excuses. Something must be done!
I've explained, on more than one occasion, that it's not her, it's me. It isn't that I have an aversion to jogging with her specifically, it's that I don't want to be around anyone when I'm a sweaty, heaving, mass of bouncing flesh. Obviously this isn't working. I've tried dissuading her on the grounds that, contrary to her belief that it might bring us closer, jogging together will actually drive us apart -- as after experiencing the train wreck that is me mid-exercise she will almost certainly find me less attractive. No, no, no she insists -- "I could never find you less attractive," which is a nice thing to say, but could not possibly be true.
On the other hand, I see couples running together all the time. Friends do it, colleagues do it -- surely at least some of these people are getting something out of it, and haven't all been conned into it to appease their partners. Do you do this? Why? What is that something?
In all honesty, the thought of it just makes me uncomfortable. This running stuff isn't easy for me. I have to push myself -- sometimes really push myself -- and, joking aside, I'm afraid I'd spend the whole jog self-conscious about how weak I looked.
So, dear reader, help a guy out. Am I being unreasonable? Should I cave? Or should I be able to jog alone guilt-free? Any advice on how to navigate this little speed bump du love would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
3-20-2007 @ 12:28PM
Kira said...
Get over it. For a woman, you refusing to open up to her this way is more of a turn off than you wheezing.
If it helps, go for a shorter, easier jog with her.
You can do it!
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3-20-2007 @ 12:43PM
Jennifer said...
I once had a very similar problem. My (ex)boyfriend, a slim, 6-mile maniac, wanted to jog with me, a mile-and-a-half huffer and puffer. I caved eventually and went jogging. It was amazing because it opened up my eyes to several things - namely that ANYONE could jog six miles at his snail's pace. And that he ran like a girl. Perhaps this doesn't seem helpful, but let me finish.
Recently, my current boyfriend wanted to do the same thing. I was hesitant again to see my boyfriend jog. I agreed, knowing that I may come away with less respect for him as an exerciser, but I was pleasantly surprised. He never got out of breath, ran like a pro and put me to shame. On top of all this, he thought my huffing and puffing and sweating like a pig was sexy, as it reminded him of... well, other things.
So, now I've struck a healthy balance. I like to jog alone so that I don't feel so inadequate or under a microscope, but now and again, we jog together to have that "together" time. We each wear our respective iPods to block out gross breathing noises, which seems to work. And it certainly hasn't made us any worse off.
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3-20-2007 @ 1:01PM
ursula2k said...
I go running with my husband every morning. That is to say - we arrive in the same car, but then we both go on our own and do our own thing. I hate running along with him. It is not a 'look' thing, but we both are totally different and have our own preferences as to our workouts. If he runs beside me or behind me I find it very annoying and it breaks my concentration.
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3-20-2007 @ 1:26PM
Nicki said...
You might could explain it to your girlfriend as that while you cherish every moment that you spend with her, you also need your time away to yourself ("me time" is what I call it) and jogging alone gives you the space you need in order to ponder events of the day, organize your thoughts, silently work through any residing issues, etc.
That said, if she persists, find a compromise - run with her a day or so each week.
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3-20-2007 @ 1:35PM
Sera said...
I was always the one in the "pair" lagging behind and huffing and puffing and wanting to die. Having a tall lean (ex) boyfriend gave me a goal to work today, first to keep up, then to beat. Yeah, it sucks at first, but it's nice to have someone there to offer encouragement and to make a "visiable" goal to work toward.
All in all, why not just try it? If you don't like it and your fears are confirmed, then you won't have to do it again. And if it works out, you've started something good. Maybe ease your anxiety a little and tell you GF that you're really embarassed. Trust me, I'm sure she'll find it cute. :)
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3-20-2007 @ 6:43PM
csnoke said...
Ask her if you can watch her poop.
She'll say no, because it's disgusting and unattractive.
Explain that's how you fell when running.
When she tells you you're wrong, ask her again to let you watch her poop.
If she keeps dismissing your feelings and your wants as less important than hers... doesn't that tell you something?
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3-20-2007 @ 9:48PM
mangebranndt said...
Dude - grow a pair. If she's supportive of what you are doing and wants to join, let her. You need the competition and encouragement to reach your goals. Going it alone all the time will cause you to stagnate - where's the competition? Just let her know exactly why you run and what your goals are (just to run, to run faster, to run longer, etc) so she knows what she is in for. Besides, she may help keep you honest on those days you don't want to run or allow yourself to cheat. Man up and get her out there with you. After running, you both can shower together and work off the excess testosterone generated by exercise.
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3-21-2007 @ 8:53AM
JonAtkins said...
Jonathon, come on, you're being immature. Run with her! I would love to have my girlfriend run with me, I love her. Doing anything with her is great, I'm the fitness buff and she just isn't into it. How cool it would be for us to do it together. Plus, like mangebranndt said above, grow a pair. You are a man, who gives a crap what you look like.
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3-21-2007 @ 4:36PM
csnoke said...
mangebranndt & JonAtkins,
Do you realize that your suggestions of "being a man" and "growing a pair" sum up to saying "give in to what your woman wants"?
Wouldn't a "real man" stand up for himself, do whatever the hell he wants, and not give into to his girlfriend because she's a whining?
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3-29-2007 @ 1:26PM
Ctrunaway said...
Dude. Keep running alone. Don't we spend enough time doing what others want us to? Running is as much for the soul as the body.
Go for a walk with her instead, or get a dog and go to the park!
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