Jogging for Normal People: I Can't Believe I'm Telling You This

Every now and again I'm reminded of the jock I used to be. The high-strung, ultra-competitive teenager who – like I did while I watched my Ohio State Buckeyes get their asses kicked last night – would flip out when games didn't go his way, berating the television with obscenity and incredulity. The three sport athlete who -- like I have, as result of my recently formed jogging habit – would develop a rather uncomfortable and decidedly awkward condition that's normally only spoken about behind closed locker room doors.

It's a condition – we'll call it a rash – that wouldn't be so bad if it didn't inhabit an especially delicate region of the body. Because when it itches, it begs you to scratch with such unholy insistence that you feel like poor Dominic from The Exorcist, resisting with all you've got so as not to embarrass yourself at work, or at the grocery store, or in traffic, or wherever, because – while you could try and explain it – it's just not ok to put your hand on, or around your area in public. Instead, you become Captain Nonchalant, casually shifting your weight, crossing your legs one way, and then the other, hoping the friction from your jeans will give you some relief while you continue to conceal your raging case of jock rot.

Also known as jock itch, crotch rot, or – most unfortunately – crack fungus, this is something I will undoubtedly regret sharing with the internet. Nevertheless, here we are.

Fortunately for me, and all the other crack fungus sufferers out there, we need not writhe in pain indefinitely. Our unfortunate condition is easily treated with anti-fungal drugs, applied topically to all your affected bits and pieces. If you've had this problem for awhile, and have yet to do anything about it, the inflammation is actually making it easier for the condition to persist, so scale back that bad boy with anti-inflammatory drugs like Ibuprofen. Also, try to shower as soon as possible after exercising, wash your clothes between workouts, and resist the temptation to use scented soaps, wear synthetic clothing, or shave your hair down there.

And finally, if all else fails, see your doctor.